the undertoad

God Bless You, Internets

2007-02-19T23:18:00.000-05:00

Mommy had a little baby. There he is fast asleep.

2007-01-24T23:19:00.000-05:00

Aaron Pierce Floyd

January 20, 2007

7 lbs. 10 oz.

With All the Poise of a Cannonball -- My Favorite Music of 2006

2007-01-18T15:09:00.000-05:00

I had three different music posts planned but due to problems with my laptop I lost most of what I had written. And now due to time constraints (New Baby is coming this weekend) I will just put out what I could recover/remember and let that be the end of it.

Favorite Albums

1. The Crane Wife - The Decemberists
With a new record label they were able to ratchet up the sound and make it fuller and more meaningful than ever before. Colin’s stories and lyrics are masterful as always, but the music behind the words really sets this album apart. I knew these guys were great musicians from seeing them live, but it really all comes together on The Crane Wife. It’s a damn-near perfect album.
2. Rabbit Fur Coat - Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
This is a beautiful album about faith and loneliness backed by the gospel harmonies of the Watson Twins. The talk of faith is pessimistic and the talk of loneliness sounds reconciled. “And it’s a surefire bet I’m gonna die / So I’ve taken up praying on Sunday nights / And it’s not that I believe in your almight / But I might as well as insurance or bail”
3. The Minus 5 - The Minus 5
The absolute catchiest songs of the year are on this album. All of the firearm mentions are mainly metaphorical and delivered with a shrewd sense of humor. “I’ll kick your sister’s ass” is one of the best lines of the year.
4. Fox Confessor Brings the Flood - Neko Case
Oh, that voice. Most musicians I like do not have a traditionally great voice. Neko has a voice that’ll make you believe in a higher power. Combine that voice with the struggling characters mentioned in these songs and you’ll ache along with them.
5. St. Elsewhere - Gnarls Barkley
6. Ole! Tarantula - Robyn Hitchcock & the Venus 3
7. At War with the Mystics - The Flaming Lips
8. The Greatest - Cat Power
9. Boys and Girls in America - The Hold Steady
10. The Animal Years - Josh Ritter

Honorable Mention

Other People's Lives - Ray Davies
Modern Times - Bob Dylan
Boneclouds - Mason Jennings
The Dust of Retreat - Margot & the Nuclear So and So's
Big Iron World - Old Crow Medicine Show
Highway Companion - Tom Petty
Broken Boy Soldiers - The Raconteurs
Begin to Hope - Regina Spektor
Under the Covers, Volume 1 - Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs

Miscellaneous

Most Morrissey-Sounding Song Title, Not By Morrissey:
“Lloyd, I’m Ready to Be Heartbroken” – Camera Obscura

Winner of the Sufjan Stevens Award aka
The We’ll Just Have to Agree to Disagree Award:
Ys - Joanna Newsom

Favorite Band Name:
Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s

Aden’s Favorite Songs:
"Sons & Daughters" – The Decemberists
“The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song” – The Flaming Lips

Most Disappointing Album:
Get Lonely – The Mountain Goats

Best Introduction to a Band I Wasn't Very Familiar With:
Hit By a Train: The Best of the Old 97's

Favorite Ukulele-Based Album:
My Favorite Place to Drown - Michael Leviton

Music-Related McSweeney's Lists from 2006:

“Love” Songs Replaced with Danny Glover

Brian Wilson’s First Five Suggestions for the Name of the Album That Would Be Called Pet Sounds

Hit Songs of the 1970’s and 80’s if the South Had Won the Civil War

Other Names Sting Could Go By, As Suggested By My Thesaurus

Titles of Songs I Could Credibly Write If I Became a Rap Star

Song Ideas For My Next Album

Popular Musicians If England Had Won The Revolutionary War

Prior Miles Davis Albums

Reasons Not to Fear the Reaper

Alternatives, Should You Not Like Pina Coladas and Getting Caught in the Rain

They Might Be Giants, They Might Not – Who Knows

Reasons I Disagree With the Premise of the Song “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes”

You're the Devil's Fishbowl, Honey -- My Favorite TV Shows in 2006

2007-01-10T16:40:00.000-05:00

The best of 2006 music talk will have to wait a few more days. For now I’m going to share my favorite TV shows from the past year.

30 Days – The first season of this show was uneven. There were some first-rate episodes that provided real insight into the human condition. The best of times provided an uncommon understanding of the topic at hand. Then there were times when you felt this was no better than any other reality show on TV. The second season, which aired this summer, was top notch. I don’t recall a bad episode. The topics covered are not groundbreaking; in fact you can find a 100 different ways that these issues are covered on TV everyday, but where 30 Days sets itself apart is the emotional connection. If you are unaware, the idea is to follow someone around for 30 days as they put themselves in a situation completely different from their own. A militant anti-immigration man lived with a family of illegal aliens for a month. An atheist lived with a Christian family for a month. These are substantial issues, but perhaps the lesser issues carried the most weight this season. In one episode a man who lost his IT job because of outsourcing moved to India for a month to live with a family who directly benefited from American jobs being outsourced. I learned more about outsourcing and its effects from the interactions between the American man and his host family then from the countless evening news stories I’ve seen dealing with the issue. This is a great TV show and further proof that the best shows are now on basic cable.

30 Rock – The non-traditional sitcoms on TV now outnumber the traditional ones so these labels are no longer appropriate. I’ll now start referring to shows like 30 Rock, which employ a single camera and no laugh track, as new wave sitcoms because it makes me laugh to think of sitcoms in the same vein as XTC and The Pretenders. Moving on. Of all the new wave sitcoms 30 Rock has the best joke writing. Shows like The Office and Curb Your Enthusiasm rely on the space between lines of dialogue to get laughs. For me, these uncomfortable situations can get a bit too uncomfortable to actually laugh sometimes. 30 Rock has come along to bring back jokes to prime time. Thank you, Tina Fey.

Alton Brown – Okay, Alton Brown isn’t technically a TV show. He’s a television personality. He’s on 3 or 4 shows on the Food Network. I enjoy each one. I could do with a little less Mo Rocca on Iron Chef America though.

Big Love – Oh, HBO. Sex and the City is gone. The Sopranos is ending this year. Six Feet Under has gone the way of its title. Deadwood has proved too expensive to produce. Curb Your Enthusiasm is losing steam. Entourage only has its moments. And, HBO, you should, at the very least, be slapped on the wrists for allowing Dane Cook’s Tourgasm to see the light of day. It’s not exactly your glory days anymore, HBO. At least you got Big Love. It’s not TV, it’s Polygamist Family Drama.

Boston Legal – A few years ago I gave up all legal dramas and police procedurals. I still watch Boston Legal though because it’s hilarious. It’s theatre of the absurd starring James Spader and William Shatner. They still try to do serious stuff from time to time but it’s the silliness that keeps me watching.

Cheap Seats – Sadly, Cheap Seats is no longer. That’s a shame because it was the only evidence that ESPN had a sense of humor. Granted it aired on ESPN Classics but it was still technically ESPN. As our popular culture gets more and more snarky and abstract, I can’t believe there’s not a place for a show like Cheap Seats or Mystery Science Theatre 3000. I guess people making fun of bad movies and sporting events can no longer happen on TV unless it’s snappily edited, has an ironic green-screened background, and lets Hal Sparks blather on about it on VH1.

Countdown w/Keith Olbermann – I must admit I’ve only seen a full episode of this show two or three times, but I thoroughly enjoy the segments posted on crooksandliars.com. Olbermann’s special commentaries deserve a higher profile. His ratings are increasing so I hope he gets more and more opportunities to rail against the Bush administration in his somber, holier-than-thou manner.

The Daily Show / The Colbert Report – A nightly dose of social and political catharsis in a time of non-stop lying, cheating, and sniping. (That is officially the most pretentious sentence I’ve written so far this year.)

Deadwood – I likes my historic fiction with lots of F-words. (I was trying to balance out the TDS/TCR sentence.)

Heroes – I really enjoy this show and hope you do too, but if you do enjoy it and want to talk about it, just keep your crazy theories to your self and let me enjoy the show. This pretty much goes for any movie or TV show.

How I Met Your Mother / The Class – Both of these shows annoy me more than I actually enjoy them but I compulsively watch them nonetheless.

Lost – I watched every episode of this show in about a month and a half. I got caught up just in time for it to go on its mid-season hiatus. I am looking forward to it starting up again in February.

The Office – Steve Carrell is great and all, but the supporting characters make this show great. My favorite is Toby. There is so much pain and regret in his face.

Project Runway – I think Tim Gunn should have been in the Iraq Study Group. He could have walked around and looked over everybody’s shoulder giving them constructive criticism. Who knows, maybe he was involved. If we start to hear W saying things like, “We’re gonna carry on...We gotta make it work,” then we’ll know he was there.

When the Levees Broke – Even though I love Spike Lee and think he is incredibly talented, I must admit I thought his shooting a documentary about Hurricane Katrina so soon after the actual storm might turn out to be a mistake. I couldn’t have been more wrong. It is expertly done and I can’t imagine there ever being a more definitive piece of work dealing with this American tragedy.

Apparently Bill Bennett doesn't own a mirror

2006-12-06T23:04:00.000-05:00

In a commentary about the Iraq Study Group, Bill Bennett ends with this nugget:

In all my time in Washington I've never seen such smugness, arrogance, or such insufferable moral superiority. Self-congratulatory. Full of itself. Horrible.

I find a lot of what right-wing pundits and politicians say objectionable, but nobody makes my skin crawl quite like Bill Bennett. Thanks for the laugh, Billy.

Goodbye Bliss

2006-12-05T22:08:00.000-05:00

Bliss passed away today. She had a tumor on her spleen that developed quickly. It spread to her pancreas and had even attached to her side. She has been in and out of the vet's office since the day after Thanksgiving. She had one last day at home with us before the vet tried to see if he could help her one last time this morning.

We got Bliss as a kitten a few months after we were married. She was a very energetic kitten. Some of her habits were puppy-like. At our apartment in Rome we could throw a ball up the stairs and she would chase after it and run down the stairs with it in her mouth to return it to us. We named Bliss after a wonderful character in The Floatplane Notebooks.

When Aden was only a few weeks old Bliss ran away. She was an inside cat and never had any interest in going outside. We think she didn't like the way things in the house were changing and thought she might try things out on her own. She came back home the next day. We still don't know how she got out.

Amy is pregnant now and Bliss had been very clingy with Amy the entire time. We figured she knew what was happening again and wanted to get her time alone with Amy while she could. She curled up on the couch with Amy every night and would even follow her to the bathroom. It turns out that maybe she was acting that way because of the tumor. It was probably a little of both.

We will miss her very much.

A Punny Revolt

2006-09-20T13:59:00.000-04:00

Army commander

Controls former Siam land

Now that's a Thai coup

First Braves Game

2006-09-19T12:46:00.000-04:00

We took Aden to his first Braves game on Saturday. Here's what Aden knows about the Braves so far:

They play a game called baseball
They are on our TV a lot
They can make mommy and daddy very happy
They can make mommy and daddy very angry
They have a chain of sandwich shops called The Atlanta Braves Company (We've stopped trying to tell him it's actually The Atlanta Bread Company)

He had a great time at the game. He loved saying, "Charge!" He wasn't sure why people did the chop. He referred to tomahawks as axes. He started asking to go home in the eigth inning but the game was over shortly thereafter and he was asleep before we got on the interstate.

"I had impure thoughts about Art Linkletter."

2006-09-02T00:33:00.000-04:00

Behold the power of youtube. Here are two clips from a 1969 Woody Allen television special. In these two clips Woody interviews Billy Graham. It’s such a natural, friendly, funny and unrehearsed conversation. It’s refreshing but at the same time it’s sad to think that something like that would never be on TV today. First of all, network TV doesn’t do variety shows anymore and the one place you’d think might give a yong comedian a chance ends up committing to Mind of Mencia and cancelling Comedians of Comedy. Bygones. Secondly, religious and political ideology is so polarized today that a modern Woody Allen and a modern Billy Graham would not trust each other enough to do this. Anyway, enjoy.

What I miss you won't believe -- shoveling snow and raking leaves

2006-08-10T16:13:00.000-04:00

So…I went to a bunch of concerts earlier this year and I never wrote about them. Scott wrote about some as did Mike. Just to do a quick recap:

Ray Davies, March 25, 2006 (Variety Playhouse) – Couldn’t have been better. Well, I guess all of the Kinks could have been alive and it could have been 1970 for just one night, but other than that my expectations were exceeded.

The Minus 5 - March 31, 2006 (Smith's Olde Bar) – A great show made even better by the fact that I now know to refer to Mike Mills as Mills-y and meeting that guy in the crowd that looked like Dwight from The Office who kept screaming “Don’t Be Denied”.

The Minus 5 (w/special guest R.E.M. v1.0) - April 1, 2006 (Georgia Theatre) – Best.Show.Ever. Somehow seeing a band two nights in a row wasn’t a let down. There was something like 14 encores and a band called R.E.M. appeared in the first one. I don’t want to sound like R.E.M. fanboy but I was giddy, on the inside mainly, the entire night as all 4 members of R.E.M. started showing up and standing about 10 feet behind us. The legend of Bill Berry continues to grow after this night and one day it could reach Braskyesque proportions.

They Might Be Giants - May 3, 2006 (Variety Playhouse) – I’ve seen them before and this show paled in comparison to the first time. Its was still a good show though. John & John are brilliant entertainers. They never seem to have a down night (I’ve heard countless live shows). Also, the opening act was really fun. Ukulele and glockenspiel have never sounded so fine. Thanks, Michael Leviton.

And now last week I saw Tom Waits. I love the guy. He is responsible for my second favorite song of all time and possibly a few others high on the list but that’s a list I’ve only managed to flesh out to two. (#1 – "Midnight Train to Georgia" and #2 – "Tom Traubert’s Blues" – go ahead and scoff if you like.)

As Scott expressed in his post I was forty kinds of shocked when it was announced that Tom Waits was touring. As I glanced down the list of stops on the tour I yelped “Giddy up!” as soon as I saw Atlanta, GA. (Yeah, I was by myself – if you didn’t scoff earlier go ahead and do so now.) Tom Waits is, at least for me, a standby artist. A standby artist is usually older with a lot of albums under their belt who continue to produce new music every few years. With standby artists you always love them no matter what but your level of interest will ebb and flow through the years. No matter how much that interest may ebb, it can instantly be piqued again by mere mention of the artist’s name. My interest was at high tide earlier this year when I read Innocent When You Dream: The Tom Waits Reader. While reading that book I listened to a bunch of Waits albums, did some YouTube searching, and tracked down a copy of his VH1 Storytellers. Needless to say this tour came at a pretty good time for me.

Now for the actual concert, let’s break it down using the set list…

Pre-show
I met Scott and Leigh Ann around 6:30 outside the Tabernacle. The show didn’t start until after 9:00 so we had lots of time to talk about such things as our kids, our jobs, text messaging, floor-sitters, and the delivery of gravy. A good time was had by…me. You’d have to ask them if they had a good time talking about the delivery of meat-based sauces.

Make It Rain
This is one of my favorites from the latest album. I thought Tom did a great job when he did this song on The Late Show. I even thought it would be a good show opener…and it was. I could feel a huge goofy smile on my face from the moment this song started. At this point seeing Tom Waits live was just as cool as I thought it would be. Also, Tom pulled out his best herky-jerky movements for this song.

Hoist That Rag
Another of the good songs from the latest album…but it’s way too similar to “Make It Rain” to be performed back-to-back. Although I did think this at the time I didn’t dwell on it. I just kept thinking about what he might play next.

Shore Leave
This was the highlight of the evening. The crowd was too psyched during the first song to have one of those unique crowd moments. Everyone was going crazy with “I can’t believe we’re seeing Tom Waits-itis”. I think the fact that you weren’t going to be able to understand all the words to the songs sank in for most people during the second song, but it was during Shore Leave that there was a palpable feeling of everyone loving what was happening for the same reason. We were all there to see a guy that we loved, a guy who doesn’t tour a lot, and after two new songs we all realized we were going to be treated to some old favorites -- intelligibleness of lyrics be damned.

God's Away on Business
November
That electric feeling in the room left some time during these two songs. It was still cool to see Tom Waits, but there wasn’t any thing really special about the performance of these two songs.

'Til the Money Runs Out
Blue Valentines
These two really picked it up especially "Blue Valentines".

Lucky Day
Tango til they're Sore
House Where Nobody Lives
Ahhh, the piano portion of the show. I was looking forward to this. From some random youtube findings I knew there would be a piano portion and that is when the witty banter would be bantered. Tom chose to speak about the popularity of a certain dog food that has horse penis as the main ingredient. I had never heard of it but apparently others in the audience had. It was kind of funny. “Lucky Day” was an odd choice. That’s two songs from The Black Rider in a four-song span, but "Tango til They’re Sore" and "House Where Nobody Lives" were really good. Ideally he would have done "Tom Traubert’s Blues" and "Johnsubrgh, Illinois" while at the piano.

Don't Go into that Barn
Lie to Me, Baby
Whislin' Past the Graveyard
9th & Hennepin
Trampled Rose
My most recurring thought during this span was, “Man that piano segment was short.” Second most recurring thought, “Jesus, is he going to play every song from Real Gone?”

Get Behind the Mule
Murder in the Red Barn
Shake It
I like "Get Behind the Mule" but it’s a very long song. When I recognized what song it was I was excited and then it dawned on me that its length would probably mean one or two less song in the night.

Encore #1:
Singapore
Goin' Out West
Before the show if you had told me that "Singapore" and "Goin’ Out West" would be in an encore I would had been thrilled. But with the lackluster main set list it was a slight let down. At least it was two really good songs and good performances.

Encore #2:
Day After Tomorrow
Heartattack & Vine
Before the show if you had told me that "Day After Tomorrow" would have been in the second encore I would have not been thrilled, but it was one of the most effective moments of the night. The room felt very similar to when he did "Shore Leave". You can really tell the song means a lot to Tom. I would have never imagined it being so powerful done live, but it was a great performance. "Heartattack & Vine" was a nice throw-in but a rather anticlimactic way to end the show.

If you read Scott’s review you’ll know that Tom was in blues mode (except while at the piano). I completely understand why he does that on tour. I imagine it would be pretty difficult to get an acceptable sound from banging on sheet metal and micing up a dripping faucet night in and night out. I didn’t mind the blues sound. I just wish the set list could have varied a bit more. The songs he did at the piano could have just as easily been done with the entire band. If the piano portion of the evening would have either been longer or included more of his earlier torch songs I think I would have walked away with a much more positive feeling. As it is, I saw Tom Waits live and that’s something I thought would never happen. Overall the few bright spots were worth the wait.

2001 Oscars Revisited

2006-07-07T00:24:00.000-04:00

What a great year for movies. This has been the most difficult year that I’ve done yet. I could have expanded the nominations to 10 in just about every category.

BEST PICTURE
MINE	THEIRS
Black Hawk Down	A Beautiful Mind
In the Bedroom	Gosford Park
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship	In the Bedroom
of the Ring	Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship
The Royal Tenenbaums	of the Ring
Y Tu Mama Tambien	Moulin Rouge!

I could have expanded this category well beyond 10. Here are some great ones not listed above: Amelie, The Deep End, Ghost World, Gosford Park, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Heist, Iris, The Man Who Wasn’t There, Memento, Monsters Inc., Mulholland Dr., Sexy Beast, and Waking Life. Then there’s Ocean’s Eleven which has a high rewatchability factor. Despite not loving Donnie Darko, Moulin Rouge, The Others, Training Day, or Vanilla Sky, they have all stuck with me for different reasons. There are also two horribly reviewed movies that still make me laugh: Pootie Tang and Wet Hot American Summer. Of course this is also the year of Pearl Harbor which is like a black hole that could undermine the entire year.

I’m a big fan of movies that say a lot with silence and long lingering shots. It’s probably a reaction to the over abundance of MTV-style editing and action sequences in movies today. In the Bedroom is a perfect example of this personal affection of mine.

If you look at the 5 movies nominated for Academy Awards you’ll notice I didn’t mention A Beautiful Mind, the actual winner of Best Picture. The movie is not a bad one. I just don’t care for it. I’m not one that thinks a movie about a real person needs to be 100% factual. That’s what documentaries are for. However, I do believe that even if you whitewash someone’s life for the screen you should still capture the essence of it. I won’t go into all the stuff about John Nash that is not in the movie, but here are the only impressions I got about Nash from watching the movie. 1. Wow, that guy is shy. 2. Wow, that guy is smart. 3. Wow, that guy has a hot wife. 4. Wow that guy is crazy.

BEST DIRECTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Todd Field, In the Bedroom	Robert Altman, Gosford Park
Peter Jackson, The Lord of the Rings	Ron Howard, A Beautiful Mind
David Lynch, Mulholland Dr.	Peter Jackson, The Lord of the Rings
Christopher Nolan, Memento	David Lynch, Mulholland Dr.
Ridley Scott, Black Hawk Down	Ridley Scott, Black Hawk Down

Again, this could go to anyone of these guys. I’m going with Todd Field though.

BEST ACTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Gene Hackman, The Royal	Russel Crowe, A Beautiful Mind
Tenenbaums	Russel Crowe, A Beautiful Mind
John Cameron Mitchell, Hedwig	Sean Penn, I Am Sam
and the Angry Inch	Sean Penn, I Am Sam
Billy Bob Thornton, The Man Who	Will Smith, Ali
Wasn't There	Will Smith, Ali
Denzel Washington, Training Day	Denzel Washington, Training Day
Tom Wilkinson, In the Bedroom	Tom Wilkinson, In the Bedroom

Great performances all around but I'll agree and go with Denzel because he is Training Day. It’s a mediocre movie without him.

BEST ACTRESS
MINE	THEIRS
Halle Berry, Monster's Ball	Halle Berry, Monster's Ball
Thora Birch, Ghost World	Judi Dench, Iris
Sissy Spacek, In the Bedroom	Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge!
Tilda Swinton, The Deep End	Sissy Spacek, In the Bedroom
Audrey Tautou, Amelie	Renee Zellweger, Bridget Jones's Diary

I hope I’m not holding that tearful acceptance speech against Halle Berry. It would have been half-way tolerable until she thanked her lawyer. That’s not it though. The Deep End is great. Tilda Swinton gives a performance that has made me keep up with everything she’s done since.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Michael Badalucco, The Man Who	Jim Broadbent, Iris
Wasn't There	Ethan Hawke, Training Day
Jim Broadbent, Iris	Ben Kingsley, Sexy Beast
Steve Buscemi, Ghost World	Ian McKellen, The Lord of the Rings
Ben Kingsley, Sexy Beast	The Fellowship of the Ring
Ian McKellen, The Lord of the Rings	Jon Voight, Ali

Oh, man. Ben Kingsley can blink his eyes in this movie and scare the shit out of you. He was Gandhi. Who knew?

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
MINE	THEIRS
Jennifer Connelly, A Beautiful Mind	Jennifer Connelly, A Beautiful Mind
Anjelica Houston, The Royal	Helen Mirren, Gosford Park
Tenenbaums	Helen Mirren, Gosford Park
Scarlett Johansson, Ghost World	Maggie Smith, Gosford Park
Carrie-Anne Moss, Memento	Marisa Tomei, In the Bedroom
Marisa Tomei, In the Bedroom	Kate Winslet, Iris

First off, notice how many great performances are in Ghost World. Secondly, they should have given this one to Marisa Tomei and then immediately asked her to give her 1992 award for My Cousin Vinny to Judy Davis.

Tom, could you come out of the closet? We have something to tell you.

2006-07-06T16:03:00.000-04:00

I wonder who gets to tell Tom Cruise this nugget of information today?

I see an episode of South Park about once every two seasons. That's more than enough for me. I have seen this particular episode of South Park and thought it was kind of funny.

There's plenty of celebrities deserving of ridicule and parody, but for some reason making fun of Tom Cruise seems to provide the most satisfaction. I'm not sure of everyone else's tipping point but for me it's when he called Matt Lauer glib on The Today Show. Let's see him try to pull that shit with Meredith Vieira. That lady has been dealing with Star Jones and Barbara Walters for nine years. She will not have the time nor the patience to listen to some pretty boy Scientologist call her names.

2002 Oscars Revisited

2006-07-01T20:52:00.000-04:00

I’m starting back with the Oscars Redux. Today is the movies of 2002. Not an outstanding year for movies but the great ones were really, really great.

BEST PICTURE
MINE	THEIRS
25th Hour	Chicago
Adaptation	Gangs of New York
Chicago	The Hours
City of God	The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Spirited Away	The Pianist

Way back in March I mentioned that I was putting City of God in with the 2002 movies because that’s how I have it listed. That’s true but it’s also really convenient. This way I get to say City of God and Lost in Translation were both best of their respective years. If you’ve never seen City of God you really need to. It’s an experience that will get you excited about movies and what they can accomplish.

BEST DIRECTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Spike Jonze, Adaptation	Pedro Almodovar, Talk to Her
Spike Lee, 25th Hour	Stephen Daldry, The Hours
Rob Marshall, Chicago	Rob Marshall, Chicago
Fernando Meirelles, City of God	Roman Polanski, The Pianist
Hayao Miyazaki, Spirited Away	Martin Scorsese, Gangs of New York

City of God is the complete package. It was shot with hand-held cameras on the streets of Rio de Janeiro. Its visual style matches the violent and chaotic lives of the children in the story. Seriously, see it now.

BEST ACTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Adrien Brody, The Pianist	Adrien Brody, The Pianist
Nicolas Cage, Adaptation	Nicolas Cage, Adaptation
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Love Liza	Michael Caine, The Quiet American
Ed Norton, 25th Hour	Daniel Day-Lewis, Gangs of New York
Sam Rockwell, Confessions of a	Jack Nicholson, About Schmidt
Dangerous Mind

I was very impressed with Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Just going on the strength of this movie and Sam Rockwell’s performance as Chuck Barris, you’ll hope they make more movies about game show hosts. My vote for the next host is Wink Martindale.

BEST ACTRESS
MINE	THEIRS
Jennifer Aniston, Good Girl	Salma Hayek, Frida
Angela Bassett, Sunshine State	Nicole Kidman, The Hours
Maggie Gyllenhall, Secretary	Diane Lane, Unfaithful
Salma Hayek, Frida	Julianne Moore, Far From Heaven
Julianne Moore, Far From Heaven	Renee Zellweger, Chicago

Maggie Gyllenhall plays the role of James Spader’s subservient assistant with a perfect mixture of comedy, authenticity, and restrained sadness.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Chris Cooper, Adaptation	Chris Cooper, Adaptation
Willem Dafoe, Auto Focus	Ed Harris, The Hours
Vincnet D'Onofrio, The Salton Sea	Paul Newman, Road to Perdition
Alfred Molina, Frida	John C. Reilly, Chicago
James Spader, Secretary	Christopher Walken, Catch Me If
	You Can

Sure it’s a bit over the top but Vincent D’Onofrio’s Pooh Bear is a frantic and demented mess that is a perfect companion performance to Val Kilmer’s sedated narrator/lead character.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
MINE	THEIRS
Viola Davis, Solaris	Kathy Bates, About Schmidt
Edie Falco, Sunshine State	Queen Latifah, Chicago
Samantha Morton, Minority Report	Julianne Moore, The Hours
Meryl Streep, Adaptation	Meryl Streep, Adaptation
Emily Watson, Punch-Drunk Love	Catherine Zeta-Jones, Chicago

A few words on Chicago: I loved the movie. I thought it was great in every way but there’s something about musicals that don’t make me immediately think of them as great movies. When done right, like Chicago, they are incredibly entertaining and more fun than a typical summer popcorn movie. But they still have that empty calorie effect and I haven’t seen Chicago since it was in the theatres. I have it on DVD but I don’t think the initial experience will be topped and don’t want to ruin it with another viewing…maybe in a few years. Bygones. Hey, Emily Watson was good in Punch-Drunk Love.

Peter Gammons has brain aneurysm

2006-06-28T09:32:00.000-04:00

From espn.com:

Longtime ESPN Baseball analyst Peter Gammons is out of surgery and resting in intensive care after undergoing an operation to treat a brain aneurysm Tuesday. Gammons suffered the aneurysm Tuesday morning near his home on Cape Cod, Mass. He was airlifted to a Boston hospital, where the surgery was performed.

He should be back on his feet and drumming for R.E.M. in no time.

We like to make fun of Peter Gammons at our house especially close to the trade deadline. We suggest increasingly bizzare trade proposals that we "hear" from incredibly removed baseball sources and then say, "I'm Peter Gammons, ESPN." But we kid because we ~~tolerate~~ love. He's one of the best baseball journalists out there (despite working for ESPN) and I hope he recovers as soon as possible.

It's been a long time / Shouldn't have left you / Without a dope beat to step to

2006-06-05T21:31:00.000-04:00

So, how have you been?

I've been, uh, busy. Yeah, that's right. Busy.

I've had several posts ready to go but I just never got around to posting them. So I'm doing this miscellaneous post to maybe jumpstart those others. There are 3 posts about concerts I've been to and 2 more Oscar posts. Maybe you'll see those soon. I really can't explain why I haven't posted them already.

I have really enjoyed two podcasts that I just recently subscribed to. The KEXP Song of the Day and KEXP Live Performances. Through both of these podcasts I've really gotten into Blue Scholars. They are a rap duo or hip hop duo. Whatever the kids like to call it. Anyway, there's also been a lot of other good stuff to come from these two podcasts in the short time I've listened to them: an extended interview with They Might Be Giants with some in-studio songs too, a live Billy Bragg performance from SXSW, a Magic Numbers performance with an interview, etc.

You might have noticed off to the right there that I watched Bravo's 100 Funniest Movies special. If you know me and lists, well, you know I probably found it irritating. See the list here and see how baffled you are.

More later.

Lousy with Baseball Talk

2006-04-13T14:47:00.000-04:00

There are two things I can’t believe I haven’t found time to talk about yet. One would be the amazing concerts I’ve been to the past few weeks and the other is the new baseball season. Today I’ll talk about baseball.

The Braves have been puzzling so far this season. Not a single one of their starters has a win yet and the team has allowed more runs than any other team in baseball. That’s certainly not like the Braves. They have also scored more runs than any other team in baseball and have done so by hitting well with men in scoring position. That’s also not like the Braves. They have definite problems to solve but I have reason to believe they will solve them soon enough. I just hope the Mets don’t run away with it before we right the ship.

Former Major Leaguer, Darren Daulton is making the rounds on TV sports shows. He’s talking about the nature of being, skipping through time, talking to lizards, and other such things that are usually brought on by LSD experimentation, but Darren isn’t doing acid. He’s just spouting out what he believes. I feel sorry for him not because he’s saying these things or believing them, but because people in baseball will shun him. Baseball folks will put up with a lot of crap while you are still a productive and active player, but because he’s no longer in the game he’ll probably become a punch line inside baseball. But on the bright side I have Darren Daulton on my Metaphysics Fantasy Team.

Last month when Sports Illustrated broke the news about the new book Game of Shadows: Barry Bonds, BALCO, and the Steroid Scandal That Rocked Professional Sports I was incredibly amused. Not by the details of the book which I don’t think anyone should find surprising, but by the fact that Sports Illustrated broke the story. It is one thing to scoop ESPN, the world-wide leader in sports on a big sports story, but it’s another thing all together to scoop them on Barry Bonds. After all, ESPN has a fulltime Barry Bonds reporter in Pedro Gomez. I thought it must be really rough for them to be so openly embarrassed like that. Then when the story was a big deal on the network evening newscasts and ESPN still didn’t do anything with it, I knew something else was up. That something else turns out to be Bonds on Bonds, a pseudo-documentary, reality, behind-the-scenes, fluff piece that is airing weekly on ESPN. This show has aired twice now. I haven’t watched it. I don’t plan on watching it either. My mind was made up about Barry Bonds a long time ago. He is one of the best baseball players ever. He could have retired before he started hitting homeruns at a beyond-historic rate, and I think he’d still belong in the Hall of Fame. The man is good at what he does. That being said, he seems to be an asshole. Incredibly gifted people, whether it is in athletics, academics, or the arts, tend to have extreme personalities. They are either jerks, crazies, introverts, or some combination of all of those qualities. Doesn’t make them any less talented in their respective fields, it just makes them difficult to handle. I don’t need to like Barry Bonds to appreciate his talent. A lot of people do though. Also, a lot of people like to pretend they didn’t know Barry Bonds was on something the past 6 or 7 years. That’s just naiveté. However, Major League Baseball’s role in this cannot be chalked up to naiveté. They are just as complicit as the players who juiced up and an investigation is not going to solve anything. We’ll see how it all plays out this year.

Lousy with Links

2006-04-12T10:35:00.000-04:00

A short interview with Wayne Coyne from the Toronto Star:
“I don't think music or rock stars change politics," Coyne says. "If people aren't getting enough information from the TV and the Internet, I can't help them at this point. If you don't despise George Bush enough to go out and vote, you're beyond the help of a dumb rock band."

Here’s a great analysis of New York Times book critic, Michiko Kakutani. (Yep, we are critiquing critics now.)
Kakutani's refusal ever to take her eyes off the thumbs up/thumbs down prize, or to lay any of her own prejudices, tastes, or tangentially relevant observations on the table, is dispiriting. One of her favorite gimmicks for ducking subjectivity is to invoke the supposed reactions of "the reader" to a book. This is a rather underhanded device [...] and it's a perfect emblem of the way Kakutani muffles her own voice by hiding behind a mask. But it provides the only fun I get from her reviews: First thing, I always hunt for "the reader" (whom I visualize as a kind of miniature androgynous Michelin man) the way I used to count the Ninas in a Hirschfeld drawing.

Chuck Klosterman has written a very smart article on the "Barry Bonds situation" in baseball. It's lengthy but very worthy of your time.
In 50 or 100 years, they will search for events within the popular culture that supposedly embodied the zeitgeist of the time. Some of these people will use sports, not unlike the way contemporary historians might use Muhammad Ali as a means to define the 1960s. As these future historians try to explain what was wrong with the world in the early 21st century, I suspect they will use Barry Bonds. Here was a man accomplishing unbelievable things -- things so unbelievable that they literally should not have been believed, even as they were happening. But we did not really believe or disbelieve. We just sort of watched it happen, and then we watched it get out of control, and then we expressed shock without feeling a grain of surprise, and then we tried to figure out how we were supposed to reconcile an alien reality we unconsciously understood all along. So if you're wondering how to feel about Barry's passing Babe, here's one option: You can feel like you're experiencing how the present tense will be understood in the future.

Finally, the folks at Deadspin have an abolutely hilarious story about my least-favorite ESPN personality of all-time, Chris Berman:
Chris Berman walks by [a]nd without even breaking stride, Berman looks at the girl, points and says “You’re with me, leather.” And the girl looks up, instantly recognizes Berman, snatches up her jacket and walks out with him, leaving my friend in mid-sentence.

It was almost a year ago to the day that I, on this very blog, used a few words to describe how much I abhor Chris Berman and his ridiculous tradition of wearing that green blazer on Masters Sunday. Well this year was no different. Thankfully I didn't watch Baseball Tonight this time, which he usually hosts on Masters Sunday. Unfortunately I did catch his Plays of the Week feature on Sports Center. Every year it's the same thing. He starts out by mentioning that the green jacket is a tradition of his. (Great! Thanks, Chris. I don't think anyone would be able to notice the Crayola hue of your sports jacket if you didn't point it out.) I thought he was going to let the usual "jacket doesn't fit as good as it used to" joke slide this year but he managed to slip it in near the end. My list of grievances with ESPN is lengthy, but I'd let them have at least a year long grace period with me if they'd just show Berman the door.

2003 Oscars Revisited

2006-03-24T21:08:00.000-05:00

For anyone who is wondering, I am not pulling these movies from memory. As with most things I’m a compulsive collector of information. I have a list of every movie I’ve ever seen along with the director, year of release, a rating (similar to what you’d find on Scott’s blog), genre, etc. I started this movie list in 1992 which was pre-computer for me. I have since created a database for this information along with other things that I keep track of. There are a myriad of free software downloads and web-based programs to aid in these things now but I stick with what I created.

A note on the tables: If you are viewing this page in Internet Explorer, the tables probably look a bit off. If you are using Firefox, they should appear as desired. If you are using another web browser, well, you could be seeing the Dead Sea Scrolls for all I know.

BEST PICTURE
MINE	THEIRS
American Splendor	Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Capturing the Friedmans	Lost in Translation
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King	Master and Commander
Lost in Translation	Mystic River
Shattered Glass	Seabiscuit

Two matches here: LotR and Lost in Translation. I’ve included Capturing the Friedmans because I think it’s really strong and also because I’m not doing a documentary category. And by the way, Seabiscuit? Seriously?

BEST DIRECTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Shari Berman & Robert Pulcini,	Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation
American Splendor	Clint Eastwood, Mystic River
Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation	Peter Jackson, Lord of the Rings: The
Peter Jackson, Lord of the Rings: ROTK	Return of the King
Wayne Kramer, The Cooler	Fernando Meirelles, City of God
Gus Van Sant, Elephant	Peter Weir, Master and Commander

I should point out that although City of God is nominated here by the Academy, I’m moving it back a year because in preparing these posts I had 2002 as the release date for that movie. You’ll see it show up in my 2002 post.

BEST ACTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Jack Black, Shool of Rock	Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean
Hayden Christensen, Shattered Glass	Ben Kingsley, House of Sand and Fog
Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean	Jude Law, Cold Mountain
Paul Giamatti, American Splendor	Bill Murray, Lost in Translation
Bill Murray, Lost in Translation	Sean Penn, Mystic River

I couldn’t resist the Johnny Depp performance in Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s been widely reported he based part of his character on Keith Richards. I think it’s the first positive contribution to society by Keith in a long time. Thanks for the pirate inspiration, Keith…and for “You Got the Silver” as well.

BEST ACTRESS
MINE	THEIRS
Zooey Deschanel, All the Real Girls	Keisha Castle-Hughes, Whale Rider
Scarlett Johansson, Lost in Translation	Diane Keaton, Something's Gotta Give
Tilda Swinton, Young Adam	Samanta Morton, In America
Uma Thurman, Kill Bill, Vol. 1	Charlize Theron, Monster
Evan Rachel Wood, Thirteen	Naomi Watts, 21 Grams

If you haven't seen All the Real Girls, do so. I don't have a single match here. I should admit that I never saw Whale Rider though.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Alec Baldwin, The Cooler	Alec Baldwin, The Cooler
Tony Cox, Bad Santa	Benicio Del Toro, 21 Grams
Tim Robbins, Mystic River	Djimon Hounsou, In America
Sam Rockwell, Matchstick Men	Tim Robbins, Mystic River
Peter Sarsgaard, Shattered Glass	Ken Watanabe, The Last Samurai

Yeah, you read that correctly: Tony Cox in Bad Santa.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
MINE	THEIRS
Shohreh Aghdashloo, House of Sand	Shohreh Aghdashloo, House of Sand
and Fog	and Fog
Maria Bello, The Cooler	Patricia Clarkson, Pieces of April
Hope Davis, American Splendor	Marcia Gay Harden, Mystic River
Nikki Reed, Thirteen	Holly Hunter, Thirteen
Frances McDormand, Laurel Canyon	Renee Zellweger, Cold Mountain

It was really refreshing to see Shohreh Aghdashloo in House of Sand and Fog. When she was in 24, she had it turned up to 11 in every scene. It was nice to see her a little more emotionally restrained. American Splendor is a great movie and Hope Davis gives a great performance.

2004 Oscars Revisited

2006-03-10T20:07:00.000-05:00

Let’s start off with some reference notes. (1) The year in the title of these posts will be the year the movies came out, not the year the awards were given. So this first post is actually the 2005 Academy Awards, but it’s for the movies released in 2004. (2) I’ve used colored text for the winners in each category: blue text for my pick and red for the Academy’s. (3) Formatting these tables has been an experience. Please let me know how they look in whatever browser you are using. Thanks.

Let’s get started

BEST PICTURE
MINE	THEIRS
Before Sunset	The Aviator
Collateral	Finding Neverland
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind	Million Dollar Baby
Mean Creek	Ray
Sideways	Sideways

Only one match, Sideways. More than these five picks being great movies they are the five that I think will stand up over time, much more so than the five movies nominated for Oscars.

BEST DIRECTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Alfonso Cuarón, Harry Potter	Clint Eastwood, Million Dollar Baby
& the Prisoner of Azkaban
Michel Gondry, Eternal Sunshine	Taylor Hackford, Ray
of the Spotless Mind
Michael Mann, Collateral	Mike Leigh, Vera Drake
Mike Nichols, Closer	Alexander Payne, Sideways
Alexander Payne, Sideways	Martin Scorsese, The Aviator

Only one match here too. Again it’s Sideways. I’ve always found it odd that the Best Picture nominations didn’t always match exactly with Best Director nominations, but mine didn’t come close either.

BEST ACTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Jeff Bridges, The Door in the Floor	Don Cheadle, Hotel Rwanda
Don Cheadle, Hotel Rwanda	Johnny Depp, Finding Neverland
Will Ferrell, Anchorman	Leonardo DiCaprio, The Aviator
Jamie Foxx, Ray	Clint Eastwood, Million Dollar Baby
Paul Giamatti, Sideways	Jamie Foxx, Ray

I was torn between Jamie Foxx and Paul Giamatti. Paul Giamatti had to completely create his character where Jamie Foxx had a very solid template to work with. I went with Jamie Foxx though because of the physicality of his performance. It seems fairly easy to sound like Ray Charles all the time. The wardrobe and makeup people will help you look like Ray Charles all the time, but Jamie Foxx really moved like Ray Charles. To completely change your own body’s rhythms of movement and expression on top of keeping the voice and the look down is very impressive.

BEST ACTRESS
MINE	THEIRS
Catalina Sandino, Maria Full of Grace	Annette Bening, Being Julia
Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby	Catalina Sandino, Maria Full of Grace
Uma Thurman, Kill Bill, Vol. 2	Imelda Staunton, Vera Drake
Sigourney Weaver, Imaginary Heroes	Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby
Kate Winslet, Eternal Sunshine of	Kate Winslet, Eternal Sunshine of
the Spotless Mind	the Spotless Mind

To explain why I didn’t agree with Hilary Swank’s win in this category, let me use a quote from the movie Soapdish, “Actors don’t like to play comas. They feel it limits their range.” Indeed it does. I hate to harp on it but it is that last 30 minutes of Million Dollar Baby that takes Hilary Swank’s performance down a peg for me.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
MINE	THEIRS
Thomas Haden Church, Sideways	Alan Alda, The Aviator
Morgan Freeman, Million Dollar Baby	Thomas Haden Church, Sideways
Clive Owen, Closer	Jamie Foxx, Collateral
Josh Peck, Mean Creek	Morgan Freeman, Million Dollar Baby
Peter Sarsgaard, Kinsey	Clive Owen, Closer

I have to freely admit that I’d award Morgan Freeman’s performance in even his worst movies so this one is a cinch pick for me. Note Josh Peck of Mean Creek. All the kids in that movie give great performances.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
MINE	THEIRS
Laura Linney, Kinsey	Cate Blanchett, The Aviator
Virginia Madsen, Sideways	Laura Linney, Kinsey
Sophie Okonedo, Hotel Rwanda	Virginia Madsen, Sideways
Natalie Portman, Closer	Sophie Okonedo, Hotel Rwanda
Yenny Paola Vega, Maria Full of Grace	Natalie Portman, Closer

As fun as Cate Blanchett’ portrayal of Katherine Hepburn is, it isn’t an amazing performance. This was a tough category. I went with Virginia Madsen because she has an almost thankless yet important role and makes it stand out. Her performance is just as memorable as Paul Giamatti’s. Their scene together where they talk about wine is the emotional core of the movie.

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description,Part 10 Below and Falling

2006-03-10T09:14:00.000-05:00

It reminds me of a cherry bomb and a clown.

This is the last Tom Waits voice description. It's been fun. Look back over these 10 entries and see if you can figure out which one is...

(1) Tom Waits describing his own voice and
(2) A voice description from a little girl in a fan letter

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description, Part 9th & Hennepin

2006-03-09T20:23:00.000-05:00

Like it came out of the belly of a wounded animal

If Crash had a hammer...

2006-03-08T13:45:00.000-05:00

Last week I was writing a never-used pre-Oscar post when I thought to myself, “Oh shit, Crash really is going to win best picture.” Now I don’t consider myself a psychic or anything (although that admission will probably ruin my lucrative psychic hotline business). Roger Ebert has been saying Crash would win best picture for a long time now, partly because he really, really likes the movie and partly because he’s a smart guy and knows how things usually go down with these awards. It turns out that Roger and I were correct. It did win best picture. The difference is that Ebert thought it was great and wanted it to win, where I thought it was competent at best and I didn’t want to see it receive the Academy’s top honor.

I'd like to make it clear that I love reading and listening to Roger Ebert. I agree with him a lot of the time. I’d like to think it is because we share similar views when it comes to film, but it’s probably because he shaped the way I think about movies in the first place. Shortly after I started becoming a full-fledged film buff I received a CD-ROM called Cinemania ’95. Roger Ebert was on the cover and it was his reviews on that disc that I devotedly read over and over again. I still read his reviews today, but if it’s a movie I plan on seeing I wait until after I see it before reading his take.

Even though Ebert and I disagree on Crash, it was because of his allegiance to the movie that I originally had reason to believe Crash might win. After all I really liked the movie myself right after I saw it and it stayed with me. That’s usually the mark of a good movie but Crash is one of the exceptions. The more I thought about the movie the more I realized it was just bland. My initial goodwill toward the movie was not because of the racial themes, direction, or performances. I just loved the story structure. I enjoy it when there are lots of characters in multiple story lines that all end up coming together at the end. It seems to me that it’s a storytelling technique that is easy to start but very difficult to pull together. Crash succeeds in this aspect, but the more I thought about the other elements at play, the more Crash slipped down the quality chart. You see, for as strong as the story structure is, the story itself is rather weak. I won’t completely discount the points that are made about race, but the method of making those points seem false to me. It seems very self-congratulatory as in, “Look at what I have to say about this touchy subject. Look at how I have enlightened you. Assign me to a task force for I truly understand race relations in America…or at least in Los Angeles.” It reminds me of the President saying we are addicted to foreign oil. Really, George? We’re already there, man; it’s you that needs to catch up. That’s what I feel like saying to Paul Haggis, writer and director of Crash. Most people I know already have a very firm grasp on their own prejudices, how they are formed, and how other people might have formed prejudices against them. We don’t need a two-hour road map drawn for us by a guy who used to write for The Love Boat. It turns out that my thoughts about the movie’s self importance were validated Sunday night when Haggis said the following, “Art is not a mirror to hold up to society, but a hammer with which to shape it." Wow. I don’t even know where to begin with that quote. The only thing I can agree with is that movies can be art...but a hammer with which to shape society? Good Lord! If Crash is a hammer then it still has a floor-room shine on because there’s nothing in society it even comes close to shaping.

I’m probably being a bit too harsh on Mr. Haggis because Crash isn’t a horrible movie; it’s just not a great movie. I already indirectly dug into him before when I reviewed Million Dollar Baby last year. If you read my qualms with that movie they are all directly traceable to the writer, Paul Haggis. Still, I didn’t hate Million Dollar Baby either. I was just frustrated because I hate it when movies get so close to being great but a few obvious, stupid mistakes get in the way. The difference between Million Dollar Baby and Crash is that Million Dollar Baby seemed fixable. Crash is what it is, a mediocre racial parable with no sense of subtlety…albeit an Academy Award winning mediocre racial parable with no sense of subtlety.

Now let me get back to my realization that Crash would be awarded best picture.

For as much as I know the Academy Awards don’t mean anything, I still get excited when a movie I really love gets nominated for an Oscar. This year I saw two movies that were nominated for Best Picture that were not only masterfully executed, but I also felt an extra connection to them: Brokeback Mountain and Capote. They were great stories that were presented well and had something original to say. Neither one of them are message movies, although both have what Fox News refers to as “dark themes”…you know, homosexuality. Either film would have been a nice representation for the movie business as a whole in the year 2005, but that rarely happens. That’s what made me realize Crash would win, because it’s not the best picture of the year. Take a look at this list and see how many of these movies you think of as a masterpiece. Forget masterpiece; just try to find the movies you love. Found many? Found any?

Starting with 2004 and working backwards, I plan on giving you my picks for the best movies of each year and comparing them with what was actually nominated and honored by the Academy. I’m starting with 2004 because there are still a handful of 2005 movies I’d like to see before making a final judgment on the year in film.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your indulgence.

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description,Part Eights Go East and Fives Go North

2006-03-08T12:40:00.000-05:00

A gin-soaked croak with nightmarish qualities

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description,Part 7th of December, 1949

2006-03-07T13:18:00.000-05:00

A deep, phlegmy bellow or a hungover whisper,

with phrasing that shambles around the beat.

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description,Part Six in the Morning, Gave Me No Warning

2006-03-06T16:42:00.000-05:00

A barking dog at best

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description,Part Five O'Clock Shadow Boxing

2006-03-03T10:35:00.000-05:00

A raspy bumping-along-the-bottom voice that’s haunted a million hangovers

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description, Part Four Bullet Holes in the Side

2006-03-02T13:27:00.000-05:00

That voice -- here marinating a tender ballad, there howling through a circle of hell, finally settling into a familiarly phlegmatic, lung-crunching groove.

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description, Part 3-for-a-dollar

2006-03-01T11:12:00.000-05:00

A scabrous rasp with a wide range of color and feeling

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description, Part Two-Dollar Pistol

2006-02-28T10:56:00.000-05:00

A voice that could guide ships through dense fog

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description

2006-02-27T15:06:00.000-05:00

As you can see in the sidebar I'm reading a book about Tom Waits. It's a collection of magazine articles and interviews from every period of his career up to and including his last album, Real Gone. I've really enjoyed it so far and Tom Waits says some really crazy things to the journalists covering him. It got me thinking about reading Dylan's Chronicles Volume One and the strange things he had to say. Dylan's weird recollections were so charming (to me) that I kept track of the best examples and posted one per day last January. Well, Tom's ramblings to journalists are definitely fun but even more fun is to read the descriptions of his voice. So today I will start giving you a quick description of Tom Waits's voice that I have read in the book:

A theatrical voice, a cross between mellifluous baritone

and heavy-equipment breakdown

Chucking Junkin'

2006-02-27T14:54:00.000-05:00

First of all let me say how wonderful it is that baseball is back. Spring training has begun and the new World Baseball Classic begins in days. I don’t know how interesting the WBC will be but it will be baseball so I welcome it and hope it is successful. From the Braves perspective Chipper Jones and Jeff Francoeur are playing for the United States; Jorge Sosa is playing for the Dominican Republic; Andruw Jones will play for the Netherlands; and Pete Orr, Chris Reitsma, and Scott Thorman will play for Canada.

With all of the success experienced by last year’s rookie Braves I look forward to the new season and watching them develop further. It’ll be an exciting year as usual especially considering how the Mets have improved their team. John Smoltz says the Mets are the better team on paper. I think with the questionable Mets pitching, the two teams are about equal but we have 162 games to settle that.

Now in sadder Braves-related news…

It looks like Fox is buying Turner South from Time Warner. This has ten kinds of bad written all over it. When TBS started decreasing the number of Braves games they carried (at first by force and then by choice) Sports South picked up the slack. It was cool to begin with because Ernie Johnson was in the booth. Then Fox bought it and it became Fox Sports South. Thankfully they only got one game per week. Somewhere in all that there were rules put in place that limited the number of games a national network could carry of one team. Along comes Turner South. Turner South has been carrying more and more Braves games the past few years as TBS has turned itself into Syndication Sitcom City. This has never been a problem for me because our cable provider carries Turner South and the TBS announcers did the Turner South games as well. Also, the video quality didn't decrease like it does on Fox Sports South (which I guess is just considered Fox Sports Net now).

The point is that I don't like the idea of Fox buying Turner South. First off, the original programming will probably disappear completely. This means no more Three Day Weekend, no more Live From the Bluebird Café, no more Liars & Legends, and, tragically, no more Junkin’. I love Junkin’. I don’t think I’ve seen better rain-delay programming since TBS used to show All in the Family reruns. But those days are gone on TBS (what the hell is up with those car chase shows – yuck) and it looks like the Junkin’ days are over too because Turner South is not a profitable network as it is currently. It has been a very nice tribute to living in the south…well, with the exception of The Rick & Bubba Show and Yokel. But Fox isn’t going to care about keeping a cable channel intact that is bleeding red ink just because it’s a pleasant tribute to the slow-paced yet culturally-rich southeastern United States. My only hope is that maybe the other niche cable channels will pick up some of the programming. Most of the original Turner South programs seemed perfect for Home & Garden, The Travel Channel, and Food Network. One of the smaller music channels would be a nice fit for Live From the Bluebird Café and the yet-to-air Music Road. I don’t know where Junkin’ and Liars & Legends would fit but surely there’s a home some where. It just won’t be on Turner South anymore because there probably will be no more Turner South.

It seems that Fox has plans to turn the channel into an all Atlanta sports network. I don’t hate that idea. But it looks like the trend in baseball is for a team to have their own network. It has been very profitable for the Yankees and the Mets are starting their network this season. I was hoping that the eventual buyer of the Braves would have an all-Braves network as a high priority. But Fox having an Atlanta sports network that carries 80 Braves games a year would be a huge obstacle, not to mention the horrid idea of hearing Bob Rathburn and Tom Paciorek calling all those games for Fox. Maybe that fear is just unwarranted because sports announcers seem to hop around from network to network depending on whoever has the best deal with their team or sport at the time. If a Fox-owned network had a majority of Braves games all of a sudden, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for something to be worked out where Fox used the announcers that most Braves fans preferred. Of course it is Fox. Their blind arrogance is only topped by the administration which its news division fellates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I could just as easily see them sticking with their own guys. Furthermore I could see more and more Braves games being picked up for the national Saturday game that’s on the main Fox channel. That certainly would be a good way to promote a team of which you have a financial interest in their success and ratings.

Fox already owns a southern sports network though, so their Turner South acquisition (which comes complete with the channel’s Braves, Thrashers, and Hawks deals) is primarily just a way of eliminating their competition. Regardless it doesn’t bode well for the quality programming of Turner South or the future quality of Braves broadcasts. Here’s hoping for the best for the Braves organization, the Braves fans, the Braves announcers, Val and Dave.

Brokeback Mountain

2006-02-15T12:02:00.000-05:00

Is it something so good just can't function no more?

I have been torn on what to say about Brokeback Mountain because I know some of you intend to see the movie but haven’t had the chance yet. Also, I’ve been debating whether to just review it as a film or talk about it from a social/political angle. And should I include personal information relative to the movie? And should I talk about the upcoming Oscar race? And is it time I started using a new shampoo? As you can see I’ve really been torn.

You should be able to tell it’s a good movie already just from the rambling first paragraph. After all, any thing that has me considering kicking Panteen Pro-V to the curb has got to have some sort of appeal, right? Okay, that’s enough shampoo jokes. The movie had nothing to do with my hair care decisions. I’m just nervous because I don’t want to do this movie any disservice with sloppy writing even though it’s only going to be read by a handful of people. The movie is just that good.

I didn’t read any full-on movie reviews before seeing the movie but I did read some political editorials and other random blurbs about its supposed social implications. It would have been impossible for me or anyone else who even slightly pays attention to popular culture to go into it without knowing it as the “gay cowboy movie.” Whether that sound-bite sized description was gathered from late night talk show jokes, the aforementioned editorials, or just reading the headlines at your favorite daily websites; that’s how most people refer to the movie because that’s how they first heard the movie described. That three-word sketch of the movie coupled with the editorials from people who have no interest in “Brokeback” as an actual movie is what had me going into the movie with reservations as to whether the movie had an agenda and whether it was just pretty boys playing gay in an effort to win some awards and show their range. I was thinking too much and I should have simply been looking forward to the next Ang Lee movie.

It didn’t take me long to shake those preconceived notions though. The movie has everything working for it: the pace, the performances, the visuals, everything. It is stunning. Perhaps the most amazing thing about the movie is its economy. There isn’t a wasted shot. There isn’t a wasted word. There isn’t even a wasted glance between any of the characters. Each and every move says more and expresses more than you can see in a hundred movies.

That’s where my review is going to end because if you want to know plot points or if you want to know which scenes are especially powerful or who gives the best performance, you can read a quick review. If you want to know why a two hour movie with so much silence and so many shots of rivers and mountainsides can be praised for not being wasteful, you can read a longer and more thoughtful review. If you want to be misguided into thinking the movie has an agenda and that it’s just another liberal tool to push gay marriage on mainstream America, you can read some political or religious commentary.

I’m using this post to convey how powerful the movie was for me and to let you know that if you just read the headlines and commentaries you are cheating yourself from seeing a movie that transcends schemes and politics because Brokeback Mountain is not a gay cowboy movie, although there are gay cowboys in the movie. Brokeback Mountain is not a romantic love story, although there are some romantic elements, and, at its core, the movie is certainly about love. More to the point, it's about the inability to express love. It’s about being in love without being able to fully enjoy it because of a lack of security or even the knowledge that it truly is love in the first place and what’s more recognizable than that? That issue isn’t gay or straight, it’s human.

Simply put Brokeback Mountain is a great movie.

The Dick Cheney Invitational

2006-02-14T15:21:00.000-05:00

With the Vice President shooting a hunting pal in the face and the Winter Olympics happening at the same time, I think it's time to revisit this sketch from the first season of Saturday Night Live.

Imagine it...

Commentator 1: Bode Miller has become notorious for his boastful and controversial comments to the press but he is really flying here today.

[Bode Miller falls mid-run after the sound of a gun shot]

Commentator 2: Oh goodness! That's gotta hurt. I certainly hope he wasn’t drunk.

Commentator 1: No. I don’t think so. It looks like he’s been accidentally shot in the face by Vice President, Dick Cheney.

Commentator 2: You really hate to see that happen.

A few quick things…

2006-02-07T11:03:00.000-05:00

First some items related to yesterday’s Super Bowl post:
Thanks to Jon for either finding the words to the Fruity Pebbles commercial or for having a super strong memory that holds on to the important things in life. I appreciate it, Jon.

I didn’t mention that the Super Bowl really isn’t the last game of the NFL season. There is that one game after the Super Bowl that is held in Hawaii. I think it’s called the Let’s Make Peyton Manning Feel Better About Himself Bowl. Sure some people call it the Pro Bowl and yet still more people call it unnecessary.

The ratings are in for the Super Bowl and a heapin’ helpin’ of people tuned in…on average. Jim Caple wrote a good article about NFL myths a while back. It includes some talk about Super Bowl ratings hyperbole.

Secondly, here’s some links:
Popmatters reviews the new Minus 5 album that I have really enjoyed.

Pitchfork reviews a recent Colin Meloy solo show.

McSweeney’s offers up Jack Bauer's Friendster Profile.

And popmatters also reviews the new album from Jenny Lewis. I haven't been crazy about her band Rilo Kiley, but I've heard some songs from this solo album and really, really like them. If anybody gets to hear this album, let me know what you think.

And lastly, Amy and I saw Brokeback Mountain this past weekend and I am working on a post about the movie. Hopefully I'll finish it and put it up tomorrow.

Every Year I Love You Less and Less

2006-02-06T15:33:00.000-05:00

I’m a baseball guy. No surprise there but every year I like football more and more. My love of baseball doesn’t diminish but each year I get a little more attached to football. There’s never been a time that I hated football but I never consistently planned my Sundays around it. I did this past season though. I watched every Falcons game and, for the first time ever, a lot of non-Falcons games as well. I watched every minute of each playoff game too…until last night. You see, as my love of football grows, so does my hatred of the Super Bowl.

There are a lot of reasons to hate the Super Bowl. I guess my reasons are not unique but that won’t stop me from outlining them for you today.

1. The commercials. There are very few legitimate excuses for tuning into the Super Bowl just to watch commercials. I’ll accept it if you are in the advertising bidness or maybe if you have rigged some Clark Howard-esque deal where you get paid to watch commercials. That’s really it though. Why would you willingly watch commercials especially if the vast majority of those commercials will be for beer? The last time I genuinely thought a commercial was clever and looked forward to seeing it was when they’d air the Christmas version of the Fruity Pebbles commercial where Barney dresses up as Santa in an effort to steal Fred’s Fruity Pebbles. It was the song I was particularly fond of. (Seasons greetings in our souls / Yummy Fruity Pebbles in our bowls / Ho Ho Ho, I’m so Hu-hu-hungry) And I think the last time I saw that commercial is when I was 10. Ever since then I’ve been in a begrudging relationship with commercials. They’re there and I understand why they are there. Occasionally they might induce a chuckle, but for the most part they are bathroom breaks and, more recently, reasons to hit the fast-forward button three times on the TiVo remote.

2. The spectacle. There is absolutely nothing charming about Media Day(s) which is the football equivalent of Spin Alley. Each year they produce the same cliché-ridden articles full of the same boring pronouncements from the players. There is nothing charming about players guaranteeing a win for their team. Yawn. I also can’t stand the fact that you can tell that something is up even when you aren’t thinking about the game. The grocery stores put there chips and sodas in huge displays. The electronic stores advertise TVs that are larger than a bay window. The Super Bowl is not a holiday! (But try telling that to the NFL.) I guess this is how it feels for Jehovah’s Witnesses walking through endless Valentine/Halloween/Christmas displays anytime they just want to buy some bread and bug the cashier with talk about 1914.

3. The two week wait. That two week wait between the conference championships and the Super Bowl are a killer. It gives me time to think about the fact that the season is over and that Sundays will not be Sundays again until the fall. (I’m lucky I love baseball. Football die-hards must have serious withdrawals.) I end up thinking about how I could care less who wins the big game and about the horrible odds that it’ll actually be an interesting game worth all of the hoopla. You see, each week of the football playoffs gives us diminishing chances of seeing a great game. By the time it gets down to those last two teams, if one of them isn’t “my team” I really can’t get excited. I’m not saying it’s always bad. Sometimes they are really good games, but even the good games aren’t worth the hype…you know, until the Falcons make it back. Even when the Falcons were in the Super Bowl I hated the two week wait. It was torture. I just wanted to see the game. I’m sure there is far too much money made in that extra week for anything to change but it is the single worse thing about the Super Bowl. I’d be a lot more tolerant of the NFL-manufactured excitement and talk of commercials if they’d just cut out that extra week.

There it is. I think the Super Bowl sucks and yesterday did nothing to change my mind. It was a boring game full of bad calls by the refs and by the teams as well. It seems the consensus with sports journalists is that this year will be remembered for the bad calls by the refs. Wow. And this is the crappy game we treat as the second-coming each year? I wouldn’t be so upset if the playoffs leading up to the big game were bad too, but they always outshine the Super Bowl, this year being no exception. The excess attention is just misguided. The NFL is right to ride the game into the ground though. It’s smart business. If I were in their shoes, I’d do the same thing. I just wonder when the people throwing parties and buying TVs are going to catch on that they are celebrating football mediocrity. As Dr. Phil would say, “You can shit in a waffle cone but that don’t make it chocolate ice cream.” Okay. Dr. Phil didn’t say that…but he should.

Oh the taste of your poison paradise -- The 2005 Music Finale

2006-01-13T15:04:00.000-05:00

Best B-sides/Outtakes Collection: Out-of-State Plates – Fountains of Wayne

Best Cover Song: “Toxic” – Nickel Creek

Best Music Documentary: The Fearless Freaks / No Direction Home (tie)

Best Quote About R.E.M. In an Article Not About R.E.M.: "These bands are filling the void from R.E.M.," opines Spin executive editor Doug Brod. "R.E.M. still make records, but they're not good ones."

Best Release in a Continuing Series of Old Dylan Songs: No Direction Home: The Bootleg Series, Volume 7

Funniest Music-Related Top Ten: Top Ten People Who Should’ve Been Drafted Into the Wu-Tang Clan

Funniest Promise from a Musician: Chris Martin says Coldplay’s lyrics will get better

Most Disappointing Album: Here Come the Choppers – Loudon Wainwright, III (I guess there can only be so many good albums from a Wainwright in one calendar year.)

Music-Related McSweeney's Lists from 2005:

Bruce Springsteen Songs, If the Title More Accurately Reflected the Subject Matter

Discarded Titles for Toni Braxton's 1996 Hit "Unbreak My Heart"

Implausable Claims Made by Vanilla Ice in His 1990 No. 1 Hit "Ice Ice Baby"

Kanye West's Lyric "The Way School Need Teachers / The Way Kathie Lee Needed Regis / That's the Way I Need Jesus," Adapted for Other Religions

Leonard Cohen's Seven Immutable Laws of Business

New Radiohead Material to be Debuted at a Benefit Show to Protest Privatization of the Postal Sector

Song Titles, Before Editing For Language Efficiency and Clarity

Things This City Was Built On, Besides Rock 'N' Roll

What I Like About You

The lemons grow like tumors, they are tiny suns infused with sour -- Other Albums of Note from 2005

2006-01-11T14:21:00.000-05:00

I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning – Bright Eyes
I couldn’t have been more surprised by this album. I really liked it when it first came out and it has faded some since then. Going back not too long ago I found that some of the songs are still really strong, but not the whole thing.

Humming By the Flowered Vine – Laura Cantrell
I really wish I could have gone to the Laura Cantrell concert with Scott and Mike last year. I think I was coming back from Florida the day of the show. Not everything works out like you want it to. Doing a little bit of self reflection when it comes to my #1 picks for 2004 and 2005, I see that I saw those artists live both years. Coincidence? Hmmmm. Maybe I would have liked this one more if I had made it to the concert. I don’t know. It’s still really good but I’ve liked her other albums better.

The Forgotten Arm – Aimee Mann
I really like Aimee Man and I’ve enjoyed this album the few times I’ve played it. It just sounds too much like her last two albums. Nothing stands out.

The Woods – Sleater-Kinney
I admire this more than I really like it. There have been times when I really dug it and other times when I just turned it off. It’s frustrating because I think it’s a great album. It’s sequenced really well. I know this because in my frustrations I tried to rearrange the tracks to see if it might work out better for me. Oh, well. It’s just not something I think of putting on when I want to enjoy a great album. It hardly makes sense, but there it is.

Devils & Dust – Bruce Springsteen
I like quiet, folk-y Springsteen. The Ghost of Tom Joad was one of my favorite albums back when it was released. This one is good, but not great. I haven’t really wanted to go back and hear it much.

Here Come the ABCs – They Might Be Giants
This is a great kid’s album. I’ve really enjoyed listening to it with Aden. It also wins the award for album I’ve listened to the most from 2005.

Late Registration – Kanye West
It would be impossible for a rap album to make my top 10. Not because I don’t like the genre, but because for an album to be repeatedly listenable, it can’t have stupid segues, skits, and interludes between songs. If you’ve heard those once, that’s enough. Still, this album isn’t on my Top 10 for other reasons as well. There are some really weak songs mixed in with the good ones.

Purloined in Petrograd -- My Favorite Albums of 2005

2006-01-09T16:32:00.000-05:00

Now that I’ve got the movie ranking out of my system I will be writing about music this week. I will not be writing novellas about each album like I did last year. (Shatner / Lynn / Wilco / Costello / TMBG / Hitchcock / Wilson) I still agree with everything I wrote last year (surprisingly). Those are the albums that still stand up the most to me. I never put them in any order and only highlighted 7 albums though. Looking over my honorable mentions from 2004, here's the proper 2004 Top Ten: 1. Spooked - Robyn Hithcock / 2. A Ghost is Born - Wilco / 3. Van Lear Rose - Loretta Lynn / 4. The Delivery Man - Elvis Costello & the Imposters / 5. The Spine - They Might Be Giants / 6. In Rock - The Minus 5 / 7. Has Been - William Shatner / 8. A Boot and a Shoe - Sam Phillips / 9. Smile - Brian Wilson / 10. Good News For People Who Love Bad News - Modest Mouse

Now I'm going to put my 2005 Top Ten out there already ranked and with only a few comments. Here it comes on a palanquin:

10. Why Should the Fire Die? - Nickel Creek
Scott says, and I agree with him, that one day Nickel Creek are going to record an absolute, no questions, great album. This one isn't it but the promise is still there. "When In Rome" is their strongest pop single yet and a great opener to the album.

9. Georgia Hard - Robbie Fulks
I've just started listening to this one the past few weeks and it started growing on me quickly. It could move up on the list with more listens.

8. Songs for Silverman - Ben Folds
I didn't care for this one when it first came out. It lacked Ben's humor which is one of his strengths. This album is all pretty songs but not necessarily songs about pretty things. I've finally given in and really like it for what it is and not for what I wanted it to be.

7. Guero - Beck
I thought Sea Change was great, but I was excited to hear a return to more Beck-like Beck. I can do without all the freakin' remixes that are released every other day from this album, but whatchagonnado?

6. Blinking Lights and Other Revelations - eels
A rare double album that really works. "In the Yard, Behind the Church" is one of the best songs of the year.

5. Get Behind Me Satan - The White Stripes
Better than Elephant yet no where near as good as White Blood Cells. Several songs on here are catchy as hell. I haven't got "My Doorbell" out of my head yet and "I'm Lonely (But I Ain't That Lonely Yet)" is in the running for song title of the year.

4. Martha Wainwright - Martha Wainwright
The lilts in her voice and the rhythm of her delivery are enough to make this album captivating. Then you hear the words and then you realize the magnitude of their meaning when you consider her family's history. Wow. Side note: I still say that if you take Loudon, Rufus, Martha, and the McGarrigle's Sisters and put them on tour together and record the whole thing (on-stage and backstage) that it would make for the best reality TV show ever.

3. Twin Cinema - The New Pornographers
We are now into the top 3 or as it turned out, the James-tries-new-stuff section of the list. I usually don't take any band too seriously that gets heaps of praise from all the indie rock geeks because most of these bands that get all the huzzahs end up sounding unoriginal and boring. Well, The New Pornographers make great pop music and no amount of indie rock geek associations should keep anyone from checking them out. I was going to list my favorite tracks from this album but it got too lenghty to be effective. The whole album is one great song after another.

2. Gimme Fiction - Spoon
If you're like me (and for your sake I hope you're not) you go through times with a great album where you listen to nothing but that album. It’s usually about a week or two. You might break it up with other stuff occasionally but you keep going back to that one album over and over again. I’ve had that experience with Gimme Fiction at least 5 different times this year. It was especially strong during our trip to Disneyworld this summer. Which was cool with my brother-in-law who travelled with us, but Amy wasn't that thrilled. Also, there is a rumor floating out there that the track list was accidentally submitted to the record company in reverse order. That's got to be the best crazy music rumor of the year.

1. Picaresque - The Decemberists
I don't know the last time, if ever, I've gone so quickly from first listening to a band to instantly loving them, getting all of their stuff, and seeing them in concert. It was a 5 month span all told which is lightning quick for me. I can't say enough about how great they are and how much I love them. Review of the concert is here. If my enthusiasm for them is any indication, Picaresque is a great introduction to the band.

Bonus Top Ten; here is my friend Jon's:

10. Z - My Morning Jacket
9. Gimmie Fiction - Spoon
8. Chaos & Creation In The Backyard - Paul McCartney
7. Cold Roses - Ryan Adams & The Cardinals
6. Get Behind Me Satan - The White Stripes
5. Late Registration - Kanye West
4. I Am A Bird Now - Antony and the Johnsons
3. Twin Cinema - New Pornographers
2. Why Should The Fire Die? - Nickel Creek
1. Silent Alarm - Bloc Party

Let's get to the good part...

2006-01-06T11:37:00.000-05:00

Best of 2000 - 2004

Here's the rest. The earlier genre-specific categories included 2005. This was mainly to include Batman Begins on the Action/Sci-Fi list. This main list does not include any movies from 2005. If it did The Interpreter might make it and Sin City definitely would. I tried to rank them in an order that would reflect their quality, but that's really hard to do. Mainly these are the best made movies that I enjoyed the most in a semi-rigid ranking. There is one made-for-HBO movie on the list (Angels in America). It was just too good to leave off the list.

50. Bamboozled (2000)
49. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)
48. Hotel Rwanda (2004)
47. Waking Life (2001)
46. Kinsey (2004)
45. Angels in America (2004)
44. Best in Show (2000)
43. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) / Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)
42. Holes (2003)
41. Startup.com (2001)
40. Punch Drunk Love (2002)
39. Open Range (2003)
38. 25th Hour (2002)
37. Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)
36. Amelie (2001)
35. Shadow of the Vampire (2000)
34. Shattered Glass (2003)
33. Monsters Inc. (2001)
32. Sideways (2004)
31. Before Sunset (2004)
30. The Man Who Wasn’t There (2001)
29. The Cooler (2003)
28. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
27. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)
26. Almost Famous (2000)
25. You Can Count on Me (2000)
24. Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets (2002) / Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
23. Ghost World (2001)
22. Sexy Beast (2001)
21. Chicago (2002)
20. Capturing the Friedmans (2003)
19. Mulholland Dr. (2001)
18. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
17. Memento (2001)
16. Traffic (2000)
15. Mean Creek (2004)
14. Jesus’ Son (2000)
13. Black Hawk Down (2001)
12. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings (2001)
11. Spirited Away (2002)
10. The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
9. Y tu mama tambien (2001)
8. American Splendor (2003)
7. In the Bedroom (2001)
6. Wonder Boys (2000)
5. Adaptation (2002)
4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
3. Lost in Translation (2003)
2. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
1. City of God (2002)

Nothing left to do but laugh...

2006-01-04T13:32:00.000-05:00

Comedies

It takes a lot for me to find a movie funny. Usually it’s not a comedy that does the trick, just funny moments in otherwise non-comedic films. Most comedies either try too hard or are aimed at 12-year-old boys…or both. In fact, there’s a couple of movies on this list that I didn’t even find all that funny the first time I saw them. Maybe I expect too much from comedies because I want a laugh in every scene. I guess it's the Airplane! effect. These movies are the ones that made me laugh out loud the most:

5. Saved! (2004) - "Us Christian girls have got to learn to protect ourselves. I mean, sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I’m saving myself for marriage and I’ll use force if necessary."

4. School of Rock (2003) – “Dude, I service society by rocking, OK? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music!”

3. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) – “I’m in a glass case of emotion!!!”

2. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) – “Oh, George, not the livestock.”

1. Best in Show (2000) – “And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.”

I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine...

2006-01-03T16:51:00.000-05:00

Underappreciated Films

These movies might not be the best of the best, but they either got overlooked by a lot of people or underappreciated by people who write about movies. I’d definitely recommend the following:

5. Animal Factory (2000) – This is Steve Buscemi’s second full-length film as director and although his first, Trees Lounge, is better, I really liked Animal Factory. He’d get points on this one just for having Mickey Rourke in drag and not playing it for laughs.

4. The Deep End (2001) – If you like Hitchcock movies you have to see this one. Also, Tilda Swinton is great. I’ve yet to see her in something bad, but I haven’t seen Constantine though.

3. The Salton Sea (2002) – Give this one a chance. It can seem pretentious and showy, but it’s worth it. After seeing this movie I expected big things from the director. He then went on to do Taking Lives. They can’t all be winners.

2. Open Range (2003) – Kevin Costner gets a bad rap for reasons I’ll never understand. It’s like you can’t make back-to-back post-apocalyptic films where you play strange heroes in bizarrely contrived futuristic situations. Sheesh! Give him a break…especially on this movie. See it. It’s really good.

1. Shattered Glass (2003) – It’s probably bad form to bad mouth someone while trying to talk up another, but who cares? If you are too blind to see the bad acting in the Star Wars prequels, then watch Hayden Christensen in this movie. The guy completely develops the character and makes you feel bad for him despite his unethical decisions. It’s a really great performance. It’s as if the guy directing Christensen in the Star Wars movies didn’t know how to deal with actors…or something like that.

The film was a bust but we stayed 'til the ending...

2006-01-03T15:59:00.000-05:00

Really Bad Movies

I’ve already confessed to watching crappy movies despite knowing they’ll be crap. Sometimes I watch movies thinking they might have some redeeming qualities even if they aren’t Citizen Kane. Not everything has to be thought-provoking. I do like them to have some thought behind them though. Here are five movies from the 2000s that were so bad they really do make you wish you had your time back. Also, they don’t deserve comments:

5. Alex & Emma (2003)

4. Reindeer Games (2000)

3. Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat (2003)

2. Pearl Harbor (2001)

1. Charlie’s Angels (2000)

So bring the kids along it's good clean family fun...

2005-12-22T15:18:00.000-05:00

Family Films

Now that our son is three we watch movies with him from time to time. Then again, I would have seen these movies even if he wasn’t around.

5. Finding Nemo (2003) – My son’s favorite movie tends to change every few months. (Right now it’s Robin Hood, the 1973 Disney movie.) Regardless of what his favorite movie of the moment is, Finding Nemo is the one he has liked the most and for the longest. His birthday party this summer had a Finding Nemo theme. I’m glad he wasn’t as concerned as I was with the fact that we ate a cake that looked like Nemo and then beat the hell out of a piñata that looked like Nemo. Anyway, this movie has a great story and it’s really funny too. At least it was really funny the first 100 times I saw it.

4. The Incredibles (2004) – Aden hasn’t seen this one yet. I can’t bring myself to let him watch a movie that begins with a car chase and lots of shooting. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t like it though. This film gets lots of cool points for featuring the voice of Sarah Vowell.

3. Holes (2003) – This is another one that Aden hasn’t seen. He hasn’t developed patience for non-animated entertainment yet. I haven’t read the book that this is based on, but Amy has and she says the movie is very faithful. This movie was incredibly refreshing to me. Most times when you see this age group in movies or TV shows they are really annoying or playing above their actual maturity level. This movie let kids be kids and had an entertaining story to go along with it. (While I’m thinking about this…Scott, did you guys ever see this one?)

2. Monsters, Inc. (2001) – Those PIXAR people are 10 kinds of great. I like this one better than Finding Nemo, but Aden does not. He does like Monsters, Inc. but he’s not as devoted to it as with FN. My guess is because the two main characters are grown-ups in this movie whereas he can really identify with Nemo because Nemo’s a kid that has a dad and goes to school just like him.

1. The Harry Potter Movies – Again, Aden hasn’t seen these but watching them reminds me of the movies I really liked when I was a kid. I appreciate and admire the ability of people to create complete new worlds that are fascinating and completely engulf you while reading about them or watching them. I haven’t seen the one that is in theatres right now. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to while I’m off work for Christmas.

To watch a man with a face like mine being chased down a busy street...

2005-12-21T15:04:00.000-05:00

Action / Science Fiction

I’m not usually taken with these particular genres. Even the best action or science fiction movie leaves me wanting more. No. Actually they leave me wanting less. I find action sequences incredibly boring. They can make anything look real now. What’s the fascination anymore? And fight scenes just get longer and longer. Is this what people want in a movie or are the filmmakers just forgetting how to write dialogue and are covering it up with more ass-kicking? Anyway, I’ve come not to bury these genres but to praise them…sort of. You’ll see.

5. Batman Begins (2005) – Well, it wouldn’t have taken much to improve on those last two Schumacher attempts. Does this movie seems so good by comparison or is there really merit? I’d say it has merit. Although they could have taken out Katie Holmes and about 100 ninjas and it would have been a lot better. Still, very enjoyable.

4. The Bourne Identity (2002) / The Bourne Supremacy (2004) – I guess these are odd choices for a man who doesn’t like action sequences. Truth be told I did get a bit bored at times during the especially long action sequences, but this movie gets a lot of usually tired, thriller clichés right. It gets things so right that I can leave all logic at the door and just be entertained. I hope the next one is as solid as the first two.

3. Spiderman 2 (2004) – I had to do a little fast forwarding through some action sequences here, but I thought it ran circles around the first Spiderman movie. Maybe it’s because I had some extra time to get used to Tobey Maguire as Spiderman or maybe it’s because Spiderman is just more human in this movie. I know that probably sounds incredibly dumb, but that’s what made the film unique. How often do you feel sorry for a superhero? I’ve liked Superman my entire life but I have rarely thought to myself, “It must suck to be him.” Who knew that was what was misssing?

2. Black Hawk Down (2001) – After I first saw this movie I couldn’t decide if I really liked it or not. When I walk away thinking that, I usually end up really liking it. This is what happened with Black Hawk Down. It’s an action movie with no hero. An action movie that makes no real attempt to make sure the audience knows what is going on. It’s an action movie that as accurately as possible portrays what really went down in Somalia in 1993. Also, it’s beautifully shot which sounds awful to say considering the subject matter, but it’s visually stunning. I just checked imdb and the cinematographer is Slawomir Idziak. After looking at his credits I’ve only seen two other movies he was involved with. He was the director of photography on Gattaca which was had a lot of rich blues and purples (and a small appearance by Gore Vidal) and he was cinematographer on Men With Guns. I don’t remember much about that movie visually, but that could have been due to budget constraints considering it was a John Sayles movie.

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy – There’s absolutely nothing about these movies that would make me want to go see them, but I took my brother-in-law to see the first one and then I ended up asking him to go see the last two with me. My words would be wasted talking about the merits of these movies. Just the fact that this kind of movie is usually not my cup of tea and yet I loved all three and eagerly looked forward to the last two should be enough.

I was sittin' at a crummy movie with my hand on my chin...

2005-12-21T12:01:00.000-05:00

I have been aiming to write about movies for months and months now. I’ve started and stopped, started and stopped, but mainly I’ve just had other distractions like relocating our office at work. Now it’s the last two weeks of the year and I have some free time. I could do a best of 2005 in movies but I just haven’t seen enough movies that were released this year to make it that interesting. I still watch a lot of movies, just not a lot of new movies.

When I first got the urge to write about movies I was going to try to determine why there just weren’t that many great movies anymore (for a better take on this read here). Then I saw Elizabethtown and decided that indeed that was a good topic. I started going back through the movies I’ve seen and really loved then I narrowed that list to movies only released since the year 2000. I realized that there have been a lot of great movies released in the past 5 years; it’s just that I watch a lot more crappy movies than good movies. A good reason for that is that more crappy movies are made than good movies, but that's a good reason and not a very good excuse. I should know better. I knew I wouldn’t care for, uh, let’s say The Whole Ten Yards but I watched it nonetheless. That’s my fault. I could go with the proverbial ‘I wish I had that two hours back’ but do I really? Granted the movie sucked but I knew that before setting the TiVo. I read the reviews. I saw the previews. I knew that it was a happy accident that The Whole Nine Yards was entertaining in the first place. Truth is I’ll watch anything. I won’t actually go to the movies to see just anything but if it’s to where I don’t have to leave my couch, my standards are lowered considerably. Perfect example: Presently I have a made-for-TV movie taking up TiVo space that stars Bob Newhart, Olympia Dukakis, and Noah Wyle where Dr. Carter plays some bumbling librarian that has to save the world. What the hell is wrong with me?

That question will not be answered today. Instead I’m going to concentrate on the good things I’ve watched over the last five years. I’ve broken the movies down into different categories and we’ll start off with the best documentaries of the 2000s...so far.

Documentaries

5. Jazz (2001) – Say what you will about the Ken Burns style but the man has a passion for his subjects. Maybe he over romanticizes but there’s a lot of information passed along in the process. If you still aren’t convinced that this is a good documentary you should try watching it and The Blues which also aired on PBS. Despite The Blues being directed by Martin Scorsese, Clint Eastwood, Wim Wenders, etc. I’d bet most people would find Jazz a more satisfying documentary. I know I did.

4. Comedian (2002) – Comedic theory is neither comedic or a theory. There’s nothing absolute when it comes to making people laugh, but analyzing it is fascinating…at least to me. The go-to guy when it comes to overanalyzing the funny died last year, but don’t let Alan King’s passing fool you into thinking that you won’t have to put up with comedians talking about what makes funny funny anymore. If you like that kind of talk (and chances are you don’t) Comedian is a good thing to watch even if you don’t like Jerry Seinfeld or his new material.

3. Into the Arms of Strangers: Stories of the Kindertransport (2000) – It has been said that the year there’s no holocaust documentaries is the year that the Academy Awards will do away with the documentary category. I think Spike Lee said that or maybe it was me. I don’t know. The point of that is that there are a lot of holocaust documentaries and it would be hard to make one that wasn’t both important and moving. This one just happens to be one of the most moving and also very important.

2. Startup.com (2001) – If they’re looking for a film to capture the late 90s dot.com startup phenomenon to add to the national film registry, this should be it.

1. Capturing the Friedmans (2003) – I still haven’t been able to shake this story from my mind. It’s a frightening story that’s masterfully told. The questions raised by the Friedmans’ story go beyond the details of their family and its undoing. There were times while watching this that I wanted to convince myself that part of the movie was staged and made up even though I knew that it was not.

Next category coming soon.

O Pioneers!

2005-12-07T11:18:00.000-05:00

On this day in 1873, Willa Cather was born in Winchester, Virginia.

A few years back the Braves had a relief pitcher named Mike Cather. I loved making Wila Cather references everytime he pitched. If he got a strikeout, "O Pioneers!" When Bobby Cox would trot out to the mound to take him out of the game, "Death Comes for the Archbishop." Yes, there has never been a limit to how geeky I allow myself to be. Just imagine how bad it would have been if the Braves ever employed James Baldwin.

(This was well worth the wait in between posts, right?)

Amy & James: Celebrating a Decade of Excellence

2005-10-14T13:03:00.000-04:00

It was ten years ago today that Amy and I went on our first date. We went to dinner with a group of friends and then to the homecoming dance held in our school's cafeteria. Amy and I sat a table most of the night listening to this game on a walkman. Ahhh, those were the days back when the Braves could actually win more than 2 games in the month of October. Exactly two weeks later the Braves won the World Series which turned out to be a great harbinger for our relationship. Hasn't worked out too well for the Braves though...at least in the playoffs.

From the floorboards to the flies...

2005-10-06T23:19:00.000-04:00

One week ago tonight Scott and I went to see The Decemberists at The Tabernacle. I first heard this band earlier this year and instantly loved their style. I’m not much for describing the sound of a band. When describing what kind of music a band plays I tend to do that thing where I list a couple of other bands that don’t sound alike at all. “Uh, they’re like early David Bowie meets Rush with a touch of zydeco.” I hate when people do that to me, so I try not to do it to others. (For the record, Bowie/Rush/zydeco is not how I would describe The Decemberists.) The Decemberists don’t really remind me of any other band. I’m sure someone with a more musical ear could tell me they sound like so-and-so and then I’d start to hear it, but for me the stories in the songs are so absorbing that the music takes a back seat the first few listens. I’m not saying the music is bad because, oh, it’s great. I’m just saying if you can write songs about lonely legionnaires, chimbley sweeps, disaffected gigolos, adolescent royalty, etc. and not come off as silly and pretentious, well you’ve got me hooked without having to write a note of actual music. On to the show…

The opening act was Sons and Daughters. They were not bad. I can say without hesitation that they are the best Scottish rock band I’ve ever seen in concert. Their drummer was especially good. Their bass player was a stoic young lady in the most absolutely plain scarlet dress you can imagine. It’s hard to make a dress that color and not have it stand out for its redness. (Great! I’m trying to write about a concert and I’ve turned into Mr. Blackwell.) The lead guitarist had the voice of James Earl Jones and the body of Dustin Diamond. The lead vocalist had a great stage presence. If Quentin Tarantino ever needs an American version of The 5,6,7,8s in a movie, this chick would fit the bill.

As for The Decemberists, I wasn’t expecting much. I figured they’d be a bit reserved yet enjoyable, but, man, they were great. They sounded perfect during the slow songs, they were dynamic during the up tempo stuff, and incredibly funny and charming between songs. I was not expecting the energy that poured from the stage. At times it felt like they were 10 year-olds trying their best to get the grown-ups to laugh and clap for them, but that’s not a very fair description because it was much more care free than that. They were truly having a good time and so was the audience.

Petra Haden tours with The Decemberists and she took me by surprise too. I guess I had pegged her as a strange performance artist type. She was the most subdued person on stage, but never distracted from the others’ liveliness. She is also incredibly cute, something else I was not expecting.

A good way to judge how great a concert was is to ask your self if you’d see them again. Most concerts I’ve seen I always leave thinking I’d see them again next time they come around. I left The Decemberists show thinking I’d see them again tomorrow.

The set list:
The Tain
We Both Go Down Together
Leslie Anne Levine
The Bachelor & The Bride
Eli, the Barrow Boy
Of Angels and Angles
The Sporting Life
July, July
The Engine Driver
On the Bus Mall
16 Military Wives
The Mariner's Revenge Song

Encore:
Mr. Blue Sky (ELO)
I Was Meant for the Stage

Some guy’s photos from the show. Somebody else's photos from the show.

Scott had this to say.

Oh, Mother Goose, She's On the Skids...

2005-09-22T00:42:00.000-04:00

In a recent post I talked about the 33 1/3 series of books and said I would think about what album I might write a book about. I’ve read a couple articles about this series of books that claim the albums written about aren’t your typical “best rock records of all time” kind of albums. It seems there are some really big albums that do fall into that “best of” category, but the people writing about them don’t typically take the “this is the best album ever because…” approach. Like I said in the first post, I’ve only read one of the books. I would love to read a whole lot more, but I’m cheap and the library doesn’t carry them. Anyway, here are some albums that I know intimately enough to write a book about them. Some of them aren’t great. Some of them are outstanding. Regardless, I know these albums like the back of my hand no matter how great or flawed they might be.

The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner – Ben Folds Five
Not their best work, but fascinating as hell.

Bringing it All Back Home – Bob Dylan
I have a theory that this is the first ever rap album. I’d like the opportunity to expound on this.

Tomorrow the Green Grass – The Jayhawks
Whenever I think about this album I want to hear it immediately.

Arthur or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire – The Kinks
The only book in the series I’ve read is the Kinks’ Village Green. I think Arthur is just as good if not better than VG.

The Off White Album – Dennis Miller
It’s a rarity for a comedy album to standup after repeated listens (pun firmly intended). This is Dennis Miller at his best…you know, before he put politics over being funny which is a big no-no in my book. I don’t mind political comedians; I just don’t like it when they start to rank making their point over making people laugh. I find it insulting.

Fables of the Reconstruction / Automatic for the People / Reveal – R.E.M.
These should be kind of obvious because I know more about R.E.M. than any other band. I’m choosing Fables because I think it’s an extremely underrated album. Also, I heard somewhere that Bill Berry wrote the entire album by himself. Who knew? Automatic because it was the first R.E.M. album that I went and bought on the day it came out and spent the next year and a half obsessed with it (I was young and foolish then, I feel old and foolish now.) And Reveal because I think it’s underrated too. Up might make a better story because it was the first album after Bill Berry left the band, but I think Reveal is a much better album than Up and it has always seemed to me that Reveal is the album they were trying to make when they made Up.

Horses – Patti Smith
Normally this kind of album isn’t my thing. In fact I didn’t really like it for the first few years after I bought it. Now I could probably write a whole book on “Land” alone. Also, I have this album to thank for not being able to keep a straight face during the only church service I enjoy every year – the Christmas Eve music service. Everything goes just fine until the organ starts the open bars of “Angels We Have Heard on High” and I know it’s coming. Everyone begins to sing, “Angels we have heard on high sweetly singing o’er the plains / And the mountains in reply, Echoing their joyous strains – and this is where everyone sings “Gloria in excelsis Deo!” but I have Patti Smith’s whine in my head: “G-L-O-R-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-G-L-O-R-I-A!”

Underwater Moonlight – The Soft Boys
A book could be filled with words describing the greatness of these 10 songs alone. However, juxtaposing this album to the rest of the music scene in the late 70s and early 80s would go a long way in highlighting just how far above the cut this album was.

Flood / Apollo 18 – They Might Be Giants
These are the two TMBG albums that got me hooked, although I could write about any number of their albums. Vaguely interesting side note: I had Flood on cassette and it got messed up sometime in 1994 so I ordered the CD from BMG. The day it arrived in the mail is the same day the flood started in middle Georgia. Coincidence? I sure hope so.

On the Beach – Neil Young
This album is beautiful. It’s also funny. I could see where someone would think it’s self-indulgent with lines like, “I need a crowd of people but I can’t face them day to day.” That line is delivered with all the earnest Neil Young-ness you could imagine, but I really think it’s tongue-in-cheek.

(There are a few more that I didn’t list because they are the really big albums; some by The Beatles, some by The Stones, some that people have already written about, etc.)

What album(s) would you write about?

I Fall to Pieces Each Time I Strain My Quadricep

2005-09-13T17:11:00.000-04:00

I have been looking forward to the first Falcons game of the season for a while. I’m a Falcons fan. I’m only a marginal NFL fan, but I have always been a hometown fan kind of guy (maybe home-state is more appropriate, but you get the idea). Anyway, the Falcons have not been a popular pick for Monday Night Football games during their history, so I haven’t seen a whole lot of MNF games. Sure I’ll flip over to them while watching other things, but last night’s Falcons opener is the first time in a long time I’ve been excited about a game on Monday night. I was so excited I even watched that countdown show on ESPN despite it being hosted by Stuart Scott. About halfway through the countdown show a “fight” erupted on the field between a group of Falcons and the Eagles. I put the word fight in quotes because, well, when you’re in football pads and helmets, can it really be a fight? I’d call it a skirmish at best. Anyway, two guys were tossed before the game even started. I don’t know if this has ever happened before, but even if it hasn’t it was no reason for Stuart Scott, Michael Irvin, and company to treat it like a shot had just come from the book depository. Wait, it’s ESPN, why was I surprised?

So MNF starts and they do their little sketch. I guess they have pressure to make these as tame as possible ever since that Desperate Housewives/Terrell Owens thing last year because this one took place in a control tower at Heartsfield-Jackson-Cougar-Mellencamp International Airport. It starred Clint Howard, Robert Carradine, Peter Boyle, and Joe Namath. Well, you can’t get any less sexy than that. (Still no word on the validity of the rumor that Joe Namath was drunk during the filming of the sketch and called Carradine “one sexy nerd” while trying to stick his tongue down his throat.) By the way, is it any coincidence that the two biggest TV censorship issues in the past couple of years have been because of football? Is it because football is the only thing a lot of people watch together anymore? Just asking.

When the actual football coverage started I was immediately reminded of just how out of it John Madden can be sometimes. (I’m talking about the football guy, not the director of Shakespeare in Love.) Does everybody just cut him slack because of those video games and his age? While talking about the Philadelphia Eagles in the intro he actually said that they would be in trouble if they lost 3 or 4 in a row. Really, John? You think? Are you telling me that a team that plays a 16 game schedule would be in trouble if they lost 3 or 4 games in a row? I would have never known. The whole thing reminded me of that SNL sketch they did after Dennis Miller started doing MNF games. Will Ferrell played Dan Fouts and said stuff like, “That's right, Al. Tampa Bay is an excellent, excellent football team. But the Vikings have a great football team too. Al, my prediction is that whoever puts the most points on the scoreboard will probably win tonight's football game.” It was parody, but it couldn’t have been more spot-on. Sadly, that’s the majority of analysis you get on televised sports these days.

At halftime Al Michaels got to introduce a new segment for MNF. Each week Tim McGraw changes the lyrics to his song “I Like It I Love It” to reflect what went down in the previous week in football. I’m not sure what the best part of this segment was. It was either the fact that Al Michaels introduced it like it was the last thing he wanted to do or it could have been during the actual video for this week’s version of the song when Tim put his arm around a silver-haired old lady that looked exactly like David Letterman’s mom. It seems that Janet Jackson’s tit has scared the NFL so much they won’t even let Tim McGraw hug a hot chick during his weekly football video. All hot chicks are now relegated to the beer commercials only. Now this brings the total number of country songs that get their lyrics changed each week on MNF to two. They’ve got Hank Williams Jr’s “Rowdy Friends” in the opening and now the Tim McGraw song at halftime. Where will it end? Personally, I’m hoping for a revamped “I Fall to Pieces” for each injury update. And is there any reason they couldn’t have quickly reworked “Fist City” when talking about the pre-game brawl?

Well, maybe I should actually say a few words about the game. I haven't read anything about it yet today but I imagine there are a lot of people saying the Falcons got lucky because of the ejection before the game. I suppose that's true. The Falcons did rush a lot last night and the Eagles guy that was ejected was their top defensive guy against the rush. But if the Eagles kicker would have made two of his missed field goals, they would have won anyway. No matter what the supposed injustice is in sports, playing the if game is pointless. Unless you are talking about Game 5 of the 1997 NLCS. Eric Greg called anything that landed in Charles Johnson's glove a strike. I used to think my memory of this game was just fuzzy, but I saw some clips of it the other day and there's no way Livan Hernandez wins that game without Eric Greg behind the plate. Why hasn't there been an investigation into that game? We can call players in front of congress because of steroids, but we can't get to the bottom of whether Hernandez bribed Greg? Look at that. I started writing about football and ended up on baseball. Imagine that.

Eh, you know, stuff

2005-08-18T16:54:00.000-04:00

Nick Hornby goes to prison to talk with a prison book club about his latest novel:
We start talking about my book. None of them confesses to hating it, which is almost certainly a tribute to their politeness, but which I inevitably took to be a testament to my genius.

Robert Zemeckis is making Beowulf? Why is this happening? Isn’t there some old TV shows that haven’t been turned into movies yet? I’m sure Zemeckis could do wonders with Mr. Ed. Maybe he could team up Mr. Ed with Forrest Gump. I offer up some sage advice from Annie Hall that I somehow left off my epic list of movie quotes last month: “Never take a class where they make you read Beowulf.”

I don't know if any of you are familiar with the 33 1/3 line of books (I have only read this one), but there is a blog where you can read all about them. Interesting note: Colin Meloy of The Decemberists wrote the book on The Replacements' Let It Be. This post here has the full list of current and future releases. Earlier Scott asked me what album I would write a book about. I'm compiling my list now.

Looks like someone would write about Terence Trent D'Arby's Symphony or Damn.

Wow. Staind has had three #1 albums in a row ?! That's crazy.

I can't stand Deion Sanders but you've got to see this picture. As much as I can't stand Deion Sanders, that goes double for Amy. If for any reason she would ever bump into him in public, I really think she'd lose her shit and just start beratting him with insults.

Kanye West speaks out against homophobia in hip-hop. I figured a man responsible for the line, "She got hair so long that it look like weave / Then she cut it all off, now she look like Eve," might be a bit family friendly. Maybe his cousin wrote that line.

I don't know if I'd call Andruw Jones "voluptous" but apparently The Sports Guy's Intern thinks as much:
As if looking for a new challenge, Andruw has continued his defensive dominance even while gradually adopting a body type that can best be described as "voluptuous." It's like watching the Hamburglar play center better than anyone else in the game.

Saving Million Dollar Baby

2005-08-09T17:08:00.000-04:00

It's been over a week since I saw Million Dollar Baby. I'd like to say that I waited a while to write about it to see if my opinion would change, but I'm not that level-headed. I've been busy with work and school and planning to have our roof replaced. Regardless, my opinion hasn't changed so here I go...

I think of Million Dollar Baby a lot like I think of Saving Private Ryan and that's not necessarily a good thing. Although I think both are good movies, they are also flawed in ways that it makes their otherwise greatness frustrating.

First off, let's examine what's good, and even great, about MDB:
1. The acting. Hilary Swank and Morgan Freeman are at the top of their game. Eastwood is just Eastwood in all of his movies, but it really works here. So, you have three main characters and they are all portrayed by first-rate actors. It also doesn’t hurt that Eastwood and Freeman seem tailor-made for their roles.

2. The narration. Narration is over-used in movies, but it really works in MDB. That's probably because it's done by Morgan Freeman. You can't go wrong with putting Morgan Freeman in your movie and you really can't go wrong by having Morgan Freeman narrate your movie. When trying to explain the success of March of the Penguins this summer, film journalists can go on and on about the void of family entertainment, but the reason that movie is doing so well here in America is because Morgan Freeman is narrating. The people watching may not realize it, but it’s all Morgan.

3. The boxing. The boxing looked real. Nothing ruins a movie that involves sports faster than fake sports scenes. Sports comedies can get by with shoddy sports scenes more than the dramas, but overall bad sports scenes take you out of the movie immediately and you start questioning the merits of the entire movie because of it.

4. The director. Clint Eastwood can direct. I wouldn't put him in that class of directors like Scorsese, where I'd see anything they directed just because they were involved, but he's not too terribly far behind. Clint does a great movie just often enough to make you aware that he's really good at it. And now that I think of it, his best movies are similar. Play Misty for Me, Unforgiven, Mystic River, Million Dollar Baby; if you’ve seen these four movies go ahead and play connect the thematic dots.

5. The story. It could have been really cliché and I’m sure some people feel it is anyway, but it avoids the pitfalls and sets the right tone from the very beginning. It could have gone wrong very easily though. You have a long shot, dirt poor, female boxer being reluctantly trained by an old boxing lifer who “don’t train girls”. The story by itself is just a training montage set to a pop song away from being lamest movie of the year.

Okay, here’s what was wrong:
1. The supporting actors. They were way too over the top. The skinny kid playing Danger just seemed like he was in the wrong movie. (He would have fit nicely in Dodgeball, which I also just recently watched.) In fact, the chemistry between the regulars at the boxing gym didn’t really work at all. Also, Maggie’s family was a fart joke away from Blue Collar TV. I bought their behavior but the execution was way off. It was really distracting.

2. The narration. It just wasn’t consistent enough. The narration disappeared for long patches throughout the movie. It was great when it was there and I realize the desire not to use it as a crutch, but its absence was just too noticeable at times.

3. The final match. We hardly know anything about Maggie’s final opponent, but we are lead to believe she is more than just a sporting opponent. She’s the enemy and she’s evil. I think there are religious elements in the movie that is the explanation for this dark characterization of Maggie’s destroyer, but I’m not as interested in the religious aspect of this movie as I am in the good movie aspect of the movie. To me it would have been a hell of a lot more effective for this evil that is brought on Maggie to have just happened. Isn’t that life? And more relative to this movie, isn’t that boxing and sports in general? Her downfall is already brought on by an unfair punch. Her fall to the ring is worsened by her stool already being set in her corner. Why did this have to happen at the hands of someone evil?

4. The dénouement. To me the climax of the movie is the end of that last match and the knowledge that it has left Maggie paralyzed. So why, in the name of all that is sweet and sour, is the rest of the movie 35 minutes long? It shouldn’t have been to bring back Maggie’s trailer trash family for one more scene, although that happens. It shouldn’t have been to turn this otherwise good movie into a melodrama, but that’s what happens. About the only good thing I can think of in making the ‘Maggie is paralyzed’ portion of the movie so long is that it brought back Morgan Freeman’s narration. I guess the people who made the movie decided to have Maggie’s death be the climax of the movie. While Maggie’s decision and Frankie’s eventual involvement with her death is certainly a moral struggle, it’s not the movie’s strongest element. I’m sure a movie could be made where that struggle is compelling. I’m sure it could be handled delicately and masterfully enough to be the focus of an entire movie, just not this movie. I cared about the characters and I cared about those last 35 minutes of the movie, it just wasn’t as strong as the rest of the movie. I’m not one of those people who is upset because the movie is depressing. I’m just upset because I think it could have been so much better.

I rate the movies I see on a scale of 1-5. If the only problem with the movie was the supporting actors, the inconsistent narration, and the final match, I’d give the movie a 4. The lengthy dénouement is probably worth another full point too. That would make it a 3, but because the strong parts are so strong I give it a 3.5.

Let's do some music links

2005-07-26T17:30:00.000-04:00

You can check out a big honkin' list of the walk in music you might hear on Springsteen's latest tour. There's some really great stuff on that list. I think if I were paying the amount of money it takes to see Springsteen live, I'd demand to get a copy of that collection of walk in songs too.

Here's a story about The Decemberists where Colin Meloy gives a lot of credit to Robyn Hitchcock. "He's created a world that is unique to himself, using a vernacular that he has created. I feel I've kind of modelled my approach on what he has done." I can't wait to see them in September.

If you need an mp3 of Rose and Dorothy singing "Miami, You've Got Style" you can download Meet the Golden Girls. Side note: there is an old tape somewhere at Bobby's house that has Amy and her cousin Tish singing "Miami, You've Got Style". That's good stuff.

Ryan Adams, you so crazy.

Remember me talking way too much about the Rhino 90s boxset? Well, pitchfork has reviewed it here.

Berny! Berni! Bernie! Has Done It Again

2005-07-22T11:59:00.000-04:00

In the words of Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive, "My, my, my, what a mess." Bernard Goldberg is still having a hard time making his case against who is ruining America and how they are doing it. Crooks and Liars have another clip of Bernie Goldberg demonstrating how weak he is at selling his point when not surrounded by friends at Fox. Again, I'm going to stick up for him just a bit here. It must be incredibly hard to go on a show stacked 5 people deep who are ideologically opposed to you and your book and make a good case for yourself........ but still Bernie is on the defensive from the word go. And again, what's so polite about saying shut up repeatedly? It seems Bernie is out to attack rudeness and obscenities, but doesn't seem to understand that being rude in the process is not helping his case. I have a feeling if Bernard Goldberg wrote a book sticking up for animal rights he'd hit the talk show circuit wearing a fur-lined leather coat and chomping on a Big Mac between his holier than thou replies to the interviewers and talking heads.

Even without Bernard Goldberg that clip is still funny though. Who watches this crap? Why is people screaming at each other still passing for serious debate? You could say that this is some fringe show on the fringiest of the cable news channels, but it seems to me that this is the format used on all the news channels. It's been nearly a year since a certain someone went on a certain show that doesn't exist anymore and claimed, "You're hurting America." I realize that certain someone is a comedian who went on to call one of the co-host of that show a dick, but it's hard not to agree with him. As long as the "powerful people" use this format of shouting rote talking points at each other to discuss the major issues of the day, people are going to think those issues carry the same importance as anything else people argue about. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think abortion or war or classified information leaks should be discussed on television in the same manner I discuss the merits of Exile on Main St. with my friends at home. A simple flip down the cable dial will show you that's how it's done though. If you turn down the volume and take away the graphics, you'd be hard pressed to figure out the difference between Hannity and Colmes (FNC), Around the Horn (ESPN), Movie Club with John Ridley (AMC), or whatever red carpet fashion review that Joan Rivers is hosting on whatever network she works for now. They're all debating, they're all animated, and they're all vapidly spewing out clichés. I guess Bernard Goldberg didn't want to own up to how this phenomenon is screwing up America because then he'd have no avenue to promote the book (which is currently #2 over at amazon). That's probably why things will never change. Each side will just get louder and louder because both sides think volume and fanaticism is all it takes to prove them the victor regardless of the merit of their ideas. We've got to stop them. If you don't think they are hurting America like Jon Stewart claims, they are at the very least hurting me. I think we should assemble an "all-star" panel of crazy politicians, wacky religious figures, and talking heads from all over and put them on the ultimate debating panel. Let them start out with some typical topics and when they have all worked up a good sweat from trying to out talk each other, we spring the final topic on them: Television Debate, Does It Accomplish Anything? There'll be a short period of silence before someone finally thinks of something to say to stick up for their profession. Then someone who doesn't like that first person will take the opposing side just out of spite and before you know it they'll all be screaming at each other. Here's the kicker though: all the while they will all secretly be on the same side of the issue because they all get off on the screaming and the name-calling and for some of them it's their only source of income. They’ve got to protect their jobs after all. This verbal cage match will reach such a hypocritical and paradoxical cacophony that eventually their heads will explode thus freeing us from their horrible, hateful, and (listen up, Mr. Goldberg) rude ways. We can call the panel, "100 People Who Are Screwing Up Our Hearing."

One last note: If while promoting his book Bernard Goldberg makes it onto The Tonight Show, The Late Show, or Late Night (and I can only hope that he does), I sure hope the band plays The White Stripes song "I'm Finding It Harder to Be a Gentleman" for his intro.

100 Years...100 Movie Quotes...100 Trivial Objections, Part 2B

2005-07-14T14:17:00.000-04:00

Ghost World

"Why, sir. Do you not know that for a mere twenty-five cents more you can get a large beverage? You know, I'm only telling you this because we're such good friends. Medium is really for suckers who don't know the meaning of value."

Glengary Glen Ross

“We’re adding a little something to this month’s sales contest. As you know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired.”

GoodFellas

“I’m funny how? I mean funny like a clown, I amuse you? Funny how? How am I funny?”

The Grapes of Wrath

“I’ll be all around in the dark. I’ll be wherever you can look. Wherever there’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Whenever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry an’ they know supper’s ready. And when the people are eatin’ the stuff they raise, and living in the houses they build, I’ll be there, too.”

Grosse Point Blank

“I was hired to kill you, but I’m not going to do it. It’s either because I’m in love with your daughter or I have a new found respect for life.”

Groundhog Day

“This is the one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather.”

Grumpier Old Men

“There may be lots of fish in the sea, Maria, but you’re the only one I’d like to mount over my fireplace.”

High Anxiety

“Dinner is served promptly at eight in the private dining room. Those who are late do not get fruit cup.”

High Fidelity

“Do I listen to pop music because I’m miserable? Or am I miserable because I listen to pop music?"

“I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14. And you know what, I’m starting to think my gut has shit for brains.”

History of the World Part One

“Boy, when you die at the palace, you really DIE at the palace!”

“It’s good to be the king.”

“Don’t get saucy with me, Bernaise.”

“The only thing we Romans don’t have a god for is premature ejaculation. But I hear that’s coming quickly!”

I'm Gonna Git You Sucka

“How much for just one rib?”

“My bitch better have my money, through rain, sleet, or snow.”

I Love You to Death

“If we keep shooting Joey won’t he get suspicious?”

Inherit the Wind

“As long as the prerequisite for that shining paradise is ignorance, bigotry and hate, I say the hell with it.”

The Jerk

“I was born a poor black child.”

“Lord loves a working man. Don’t trust whitey.”

“The new phone book’s here! The new phone book’s here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes me somebody! Things are going to start happening now.”

“There’s something I want to say that’s always been difficult for me to say--I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.”

Kentucky Fried Movie

“I’m not wearing any pants. Film at eleven.”

“The popcorn you’re eating has been pissed in. Film at eleven.”

“Moscow in flames, missiles headed for New York. More at eleven.”

“Should premature ejaculation occur, the Joy of Sex album comes equipped with BIG JIM SLADE!”

“Despite millions of dollars in research, death continues to be our nation’s number one killer.”

Leaving Las Vegas

“I came here to drink myself to death.”

“I am a drunk, and you’re a hooker. I am a person who is totally at ease with this.”

Love and Death

“I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If he was a carpenter, what did he charge for book shelves?”

“I shall walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. In fact, I shall run through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, ‘cause you get out of the valley quicker that way.”

Love Jones

“I also said the Commodores would get back together. I mean who knew?”

Mallrats

“Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court, anything operating outside the said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking.”

Manhattan

“I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.”

“You’re self-esteem is like a notch below Kafka’s.”

“What are you telling me, that you’re, you’re, you’re gonna leave Emily, is this true? And, and run away with the, the, the winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald emotional maturity award?”

“I could tell by the sound of your voice on the phone. Very authoritative, y’know. Like the pope, or the computer in 2001.”

Manhattan Murder Mystery

“I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.”

Mars Attacks!

“I want the American people to know that they still have two of out three branches of the government working for them and that ain’t bad.”

Memento

“She’s gone and the past is trivia that I scribble on these fucking notes.”

Mighty Aphrodite

“I wish I had the penicillin concession in your apartment. I’d be wealthy.”

Money Talks

“I don’t even know when I’m gonna’ slap somebody. My reflexes just slap people. I be like, ‘Damn! Why did I do that?’ ... I’m dangerous. I’m scarred of myself. They call me Snap and Pop, because I snap and I will pop your ass in the mouth. Don’t mess with me, man. You better watch your back; better watch your goddamn back. Even in the shower or eatin’ at a picnic, you better watch your goddamn back.”

Monkey Business

“Oh, I realize it’s a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I’ve worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”

“Why can’t we break away from all of this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean, flee to my lodge in the hills.”

Monty Python's Life of Brian

“All right, but apart from sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, the fresh water system, and public health. What have the Romans ever done for us?”

Moulin Rouge

“Luckily, right at that moment, an unconscious Argentinean fell through my roof. He was quickly joined by a dwarf dressed as a nun.”

Mystery Men

“We’ve got a date with Destiny—and it looks like she’s ordered the lobster.”

The Naked Gun

“Same old story. Boy finds girl. Boy loses girl. Girl finds boy. Boy forgets girl. Boy remembers girl. Girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.”

National Lampoon's Vacation

“I don’t know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper. It does just fine by its self.”

National Lampoon's European Vacation

“Look, kids. Big Ben. Parliament.”

A Night at the Opera

“You can’t fool me, there ain’t no Sanity clause!”

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

“Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity? Two weeks from everywhere.”

“Oh, George, not the livestock!”

“Them sirens loved him up and turned him into a horny toad!”

The Odd Couple

“I can’t take it anymore, Felix. I’m crackin’ up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you’re not here, the things I know you’re gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. I told you 158 times, I cannot stand little notes on my pillow! ‘We’re all out of cornflakes. F.U.’ It took me three hours to figure out that F.U. was Felix Unger.”

The Picture of Dorian Gray

“To get back my youth, I’d do anything in the world--except get up early, take exercise, or be respectable.”

Play It Again, Sam

“What are you doing Saturday night?”
“Committing suicide.”
“What are you doing Friday night?”

“I’m turning into an aspirin junkie. Next thing you know I’ll be boiling the cotton at the top of the bottle to get the extra.”

“I was incredible last night in bed. I never once had to sit up and consult the manual.”

The Princess Bride

“As you wish.”

“My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

“Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.”

“You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia.”

“Inconceivable!”

“You keep using that word. I don’t think you know what it means.”

The Procucers

“A week?! Are you kidding? This play has to close on page four!”

“Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings, we are only seeing singing Hitlers.”

Pulp Fiction

“Don’t be telling me about foot massages--I’m the foot fucking master.”

“Shit, Negro. That’s all you had to say.”

“My name’s Pit, and your ass ain’t talkin’ your way outta this shit.”

“That’s cool and the gang.”

“Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know because I’d never eat the filthy motherfucker.”

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance up on you.”

“It’s the one that says, ‘Bad Motherfucker’ on it.”

“Well, let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet.”

“I’m gonna call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin’ niggas, who’ll go to work on homes here with a blow torch and a pair of pliers. Hear me talkin’, hillbilly boy?! I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’m gonna get Medieval on your ass.”

“You ain’t my friend, palooka.”

“That’s when you know you got someone special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute, and comfortably share silence.”

“Aww, man. I shot Marvin in the face.”

“I’m American, our names don’t mean shit.”

“Zed’s dead, baby, Zed’s dead.”

Raging Bull

“He’s a pretty kid, too. I mean, I don’t know, I got a problem. Should I fuck ‘em or fight ‘em?”

Raising Arizona

“I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash you got.”

Reservoir Dogs

“Let’s get a taco.”

“You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.”

The Royal Tenenbaums

“Is it dark?”
“Of course it’s dark. It’s a suicide note.”

“Anyone want to get some cheeseburgers and hit the cemetery?”

The Shawshank Redemption

“I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are better left unsaid. I’d like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can’t be expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was as if some beautiful bird had flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.”

Sixteen Candles

“I can’t believe I gave my panties to a geek.”

A Slight Case of Murder

“If you’re going to commit a murder, and I don’t recommend it. One thing you should definitely not do is sleep with the investigating officer’s wife. It just makes for a lot of unnecessary complications.”

Sling Blade

“I can’t so much as drink a glass of water around a midget or a piece of antique furniture.”

"I like them French fried potaters."

So I Married an Axe Murderer

“Jane, get me off this crazy thing... called love.”

"We got a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down."

South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

“Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?”

Superman

“You’ve got me? Who’s got you?”

Superman II

“Kneel before Zod!”

This Is Spinal Tap

“It’s such a fine line between stupid and clever.”

"Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump"."

"This pretentious ponderous collection of religious rock psalms is enough to prompt the question, 'What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't he have rested on that day too?'"

"It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black."

True Romance

“I feel really goofy saying this, after only knowing you one night and me being a call girl and all, but I think I love you.”

The Truman Show

“Maybe I’m going out of my mind, but I get the feeling that the world revolves around me somehow.”

Unforgiven

“Hell, I thought I was dead til I found out I was just in Nebraska.”

The Usual Suspects

“Keaton once said, ‘I don’t believe in God, but I’m afraid of him.’ Well, I believe in God and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.”

"A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself."

Waiting for Guffman

“We consider ourselves bi-coastal if you consider the Mississippi River one of the coasts.”

“I got the entertaining bug from my Grandfather, Chaim Prolgutt, who was a legend in the Yiddish Theatre. His claim to fame was his role in the famous and sardonically irreverent review ‘Dibbick Schmibbick! I Said More Ham!’ which was a very popular review. Incidentally, the song ‘Bubby Made a Kishka’ also came from that review.”

“Medicine man not go near dances with stumpy.”

Welcome to the Dollhouse

“High school’s better than junior high. They’ll still call you names, but not as much to your face.”

What's Up, Tiger Lilly?

“Death and danger are my various breads and various butters.”

“It is written that he who has the best egg salad shall rule of heaven and earth.”

Wonder Boys

“That’s a big trunk. It fits a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly.”

"That's just what they used to say in the ads."

“She was a junkie for the printed word. Lucky for me, I manufactured her drug of choice.”

"She's a transvestite."

"You're stoned."

"She's still a transvestite."

Young Frankenstein

“There wolf. There castle.”

“Put the candle back!”

"Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?"

"Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban."

"What knockers!"

The End

One Complete Fuckwad I Saw on TV Last Night (and it was Bernard Goldberg)

2005-07-14T10:00:00.000-04:00

I don't know how many of you saw The Daily Show last night, but if you didn't catch the rerun today (or you can see the interview segment over at crooks and liars). I was looking forward to the interview with Bernard Goldberg because he's someone that fascinates me. I was aware of his name from his book Bias. Then at some point I made the connection that he was one of the guys on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel.

Real Sports is a great show. I'd say it's the absolute best sports show on TV, but I've been told repeatedly that "it's not TV, it's HBO." Regardless, I've never seen a better sports show in my life and doubt I ever will. Furthermore, it's the show with the strongest journalistic integrity out there. The fact that it's a sports show on a premium, subscription cable channel is a sad comment on the quality of televised news shows. Anyway, watching Real Sports is always something I look forward to. Each story covered is done in a way that is entertaining, informative, and thought provoking. It's also rare that you can detect an agenda in any of the stories, although I have occasionaly. That's not to say that those have been bad stories. I think they came off as agenda-ish because of the passion for the story that the reporter carries. One other thing that I love about the show is that there aren't any puff pieces. No stories are done purely to promote a book or a movie and no stories are done that are completely trivial or prurient.

There is one story that seems out of place in the entire Real Sports oeuvre and it's one that was done by Bernard Goldberg. Mr. Goldberg did the story of the highest paid stud horse in the world of horse breeding. It is this story that I kept thinking of as Mr. Goldberg tried to make his case against what he sees as the contemptible state of television and culture in general on The Daily Show last night. It's hard to take his allegations of luridness against the likes of Barbara Streisand, rappers, and Chevy Chase (yep, Chevy Chase!) seriously when you've seen Mr. Goldberg on TV, excuse me, on HBO stand 10 feet back of two horses fucking...for money no less. You see, Mr. Goldberg did his story of the number one equestrian gigolo in a manner that, while entertaining and even informative, wasn't exactly what I'd call the standard Real Sports quality and this seems to be what he is battling with his new book, 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America (and Al Franken is #37). He is talking about a culture war where, in his words, we are getting "angrier, nastier, and more vulgar." I just found it funny that the only time Real Sports has come close to getting vulgar, it was at the hands of Mr. Goldberg. Also, if one of your main points is civility why does he use the phrase "screwing up" in the title of his book and why is he pointing his finger at 100 specific people and say they are "screwing up" the country?

I should say that I happen to like Bernard Goldberg. Well, I like him as much as you can like a media figure you've never met but you still admire their work on a sports journalism show, all the while only agreeing with him a marginal amount of the time. This goodwill I have toward him was shaken the instant I saw the cover of his new book earlier this year. Not so much because I don't think I'd like it or agree with much of it (although that is probably true), but because it just seems to be a hollow, bleak, cash-grab of a book aimed at a specific demographic. That is beneath him or at least beneath what I thought of him as a journalist. I thought Bias was heartfelt. Regardless of where I think the real bias lies in television news, it seemed to me, in the parts of Bias that I read before having to return it to the library, that Mr. Goldberg was rational and passionate about what he was writing. You can get passion on topics in a ton of places, but its rarely worth anything without the rational part and that (and his work on Real Sports) is why I began to like the guy. Granted you can't (or shouldn't) judge a book by its cover, but click on that link above and look at the cover of 100 People. Just looking at the 8 pictures it's hard not to come away with a clear idea of what side of the political isle the author sits or the crowd he is trying to attract with his book. We won't even touch the fact that the "and Al Franken is #37" is actually part of the book's title! I'm strangely disappointed in Bernard Goldberg over this book. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's almost personal somehow. I thought he'd somehow win me over again with his Daily Show appearance last night, but not so much. I realize it's got to be hard to make your case with Jon Stewart cracking jokes every 10 seconds, but I thought he could do it. The points he did manage to make didn't really resonate with me. That's why I've called him a fuckwad in this post's title. If he's trying to prove the culture is vulgar and mean and can't seem to make his case very well, then I'll try to help him out a bit because I still have a smidge of that goodwill for him hanging around.

100 Years...100 Movie Quotes...100 Trivial Objections, Part 2A

2005-07-12T10:55:00.000-04:00

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

“Just what this country needs: a cock in a frock on a rock.”

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: ‘No more fucking ABBA!’”

All the President's Men

“Nothing’s riding on this except the First Amendment, the freedom of the press, and maybe the future of the country.”

Almost Famous

“I am a Golden God!”

“Rock stars have kidnapped my son.”

Amazon Women on the Moon

“Did you know that every 8 minutes, a black person is born in this country without soul?”

American Beauty

“That’s my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That’s not an accident.”

“Today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.”

Analyze This

“I wasn’t really gonna’ whack ya’... All right maybe I was gonna’ whack you. But I was real conflicted about it.”

Animal Crackers

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas? I don’t know.”

“You are going Uruguay, and I’m going my way.”

Antz

“The middle child in a family of five million, you don’t get any attention.”

“Well, trouble’s my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don’t want you spreading that around.”

“Why don’t we just try to influence their political process with campaign contributions?”

“There you have it: your basic boy-meets-girl, boy-likes-girl, boy-changes-the-underlying-social-order story.”

Arsenic and Old Lace

“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops!”

As Good As It Gets

“Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad, just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that’s their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you’re that pissed that so many others had it good.”

Bananas

“This trial is a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham. I move for a mistrial, do you realize there’s not a single homosexual on that jury?”

Barton Fink

“We all want it to have that Barton Fink feeling. I mean, I guess we all have that Barton Fink feeling, but since you’re Barton Fink, I’m assuming you have it in spades.”

Beetlejuice

“Well, I attended Julliard. I’m a graduate of the Harvard Business school. I travel quite frequently. I lived through the Black Plague and I had a pretty good time during that. I’ve seen The Exorcist about 167 times and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it!”

“Nice fucking model!”

Being John Malkovich

“Nobody’s looking for a puppeteer in today’s wintry economic climate.”

“Behind the stubble and the top prominent brow and the male-pattern baldness, I sensed your feminine longing.”

“Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.”

Best in Show

“Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?"

“And to think in some countries these dogs are eaten.”

Better Off Dead

“I want my two dollars.”

The Big Lebowski

“I’m not Mr. Lebowski. You’re Mr. Lebowski. I’m the Dude, so that’s what you call me. That, or His Dudeness or Duder or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.”

“Hey, careful, man! There’s a beverage here!”

“You cannot fuck with the Jesus!”

“I told that kraut a fucking thousand times I don’t roll on Shabbos.”

The Birdcage

“Oh! I’ve pierced the toast!”

“You know, I used to feel that way too until I found out that Alexander the Great was a fag. Talk about gays in the military!”

Blazing Saddles

“If you shoot him, you’ll just make him mad.”

“You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land; the common clay of the new West. You know...morons.”

“Mongo only pawn...in game of life.”

“They said you was hung!”
“And they was right!”

“Excuse my while I whip this out.”

“Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and that property--the rightful owners.”

Blue Velvet

“What are you doing in my closet, Jeffrey Beaumont?”

The Brady Bunch Movie

“Put on your Sunday best, kids; we’re going to Sears.”

Bringing Out the Dead

“I came to realize that my work was less about saving lives than about bearing witness. I was a grief mop.”

Broadway Danny Rose

“I don’t wanna badmouth the kid, but he’s a horrible, immoral louse. And I say that with all due respect.”

Bull Durham

“Don’t think. It can only hurt the ball club.”

“Strikeouts are boring, besides that, they’re fascist.”

“I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your Christmas Presents on Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”

“The world was made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.”

“A guy’ll listen to anything if he thinks it’s foreplay.”

“I’d never sleep with a player hitting under .250 unless he had a lot of RBIs or was a great glove man up the middle. A woman’s got to have standards.”

“Walt Whitman once said, ‘I see great things in baseball. It’s our game. The American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us.’ You could look it up.”

“Candlesticks.”

Cabin Boy

“Gosh, you’re cute. Wanna’ buy a monkey?”

“I just don’t get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness!”

Chasing Amy

“Curious about men? Well, I always wondered why my father watched Hee Haw.”

Christmas Vacation

“We’re going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas, since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye!”

“If I woke up tomorrow with my face sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”

“Shitter’s full.”

City Slickers

“If that were as interesting as baseball, they’d have cards for it and sell it with gum.”

Clerks

“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.”

“I’m not even supposed to be here today!”

Coal Miner's Daughter

“Woman, if you want to keep that arm, you better get it off my husband.”

The Court Jester

“I’ve got it! I’ve got it! The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right?”

Crimes and Misdemeanors

“The last time I was inside a woman is when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”

“What is this guy so upset about? You’d think nobody was ever compared to Mussolini before.”

“It’s my one love letter... I plagiarized most of it from James Joyce. You probably wondered why all of the references to Dublin.”

“Show business is dog eat dog. It’s worse than dog eat dog. It’s dog doesn’t return other dog’s phone calls.”

A Day at the Races

“It’s the old story: Boy meets girl, Romeo and Juliet, Minneapolis and St. Paul.”

“If I hold you any closer, I’ll be in back of you.”

“Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.”

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

“My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.”

“I hadn’t seen a body put together like that since I solved the case of The Murdered Girl With Big Tits.”

“Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.”

Dirty Dancing

"Nobody puts baby in the corner."

Dogma

“See, all these movies take place in a town called Shermer, in Illinois. And there’s all this fine bush running around, and we could kick all the dude’s asses because they’re all whiney pussies. Except Judd Nelson - he was harsh. But best of all, there was no one selling weed. So I says to Silent Bob, ‘Man, we could live phat if we were the blunt connection in Shermer, Illinois!’ So we collected some cash we were owed, and caught a bus. But when we got there you know what we found out? There is no Shermer in Illinois. What kind of shit is that?! Fucking movies are bullshit!”

Drugstore Cowboy

“People use drugs to relieve the pressures of their everyday life--like having to tie their shoes.”

Duck Soup

“I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I’d rather dance with the cows till you come home.”

“Gentlemen, Chiccolini here may talk like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth or eleven years in Twelveworth.”
“I tell you what I’ll do. I’ll take five and ten in Woolworth’s.”

“We’re fighting for this woman’s honor, which is more than she ever did.”

Eve's Bayou

“The summer I killed my father, I was ten years old.”

Everyone Says I Love You

“I’m through with love and through with all you motherfuckers.”

“Steffi, bring down a copy of my will and an eraser, okay?”

“She was also a heroin addict, but I thought it was insulin.”

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)

“I must think of something quickly, because before you know it the Renaissance will be here and we will all be painting.”

“TB or not TB, that is congestion. Consumption be done about it? Of cough, of cough. But it takes a lung, lung time.”

The Evil Dead

“We can’t bury Sharon. She’s our friend.”

Fargo

“I guess that was your accomplice in the, ah, wood chipper.”

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

“Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone?”

Fight Club

“This chick Marla Singer did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar.”

Five Easy Pieces

“Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich and you haven’t broken any rules.”

Four Weddings and a Funeral

“It’s Brigadoon, it’s bloody Brigadoon!”

“You know, there’s nothing more off-putting in a wedding than a priest with an enormous erection.”

“In the words of David Cassidy, in fact, when he was still with the Partridge Family, I think I love you.”

Friday

“Puff puff, give. Puff puff give. You’re fuckin’ up the rotation.”

“No sugar!? Damn! Y’all ain’t never got two things that match. Either ya got Kool-Aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn!”

“I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this, but I’m gonna get you high today, ‘cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job...and you ain’t got shit to do!”

“You got to be a stupid mother fucker to get fired on you day off!”

“Miss Jackson just don’t know!”

“You got knocked the fuck out!”

100 Years...100 Movie Quotes....100 Trivial Objections

2005-07-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

I’ve been meaning to write about American Film Institute’s 100 Years…100 Movie Quotes for quite some time. It was on TV last month. I didn’t watch it because, well, have you seen one of those AFI specials? I have read their list of 100 quotes though and as futile as it may be I will pick it apart starting now.

With this post I will submit some alternate quotes from the movies that were represented by their list. The quotes that made their list are in blue. My comments are in black followed by alternate suggestions in red.

Gone With the Wind

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

After all, tomorrow is another day!

As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.

The “don’t give a damn” quote is number one on their list. No surprise there. I’ll give them that one. The other two are memorable, but these two stick out in my memory more:

"Fiddle-dee-dee. War, war, war. This war talk’s spoiling all the fun at every party this spring."

“You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.”

The Godfather Trilogy

I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse.

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

These two are classics, no doubt. The first quote is from the original and the second quote from the sequel. I could list a hundred Godfather quotes, but I’ll keep it narrowed down to two quotes from the original and one each from the two sequels:

“Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”

"No Sicilian can refuse any request on his daughter's wedding day."

"I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.”

The Wizard of Oz

Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

There's no place like home.

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!

Good stuff from one of my favorite movies ever, but I’d like to add perhaps the gayest quote from this gayest of all gay movies:

"Of course some people do go both ways."

Casablanca

Here's looking at you, kid.

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By.'

Round up the usual suspects.

We’ll always have Paris.

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

All of them great, here are a few more...

“Was that cannon fire--or is my heart pounding?”

“I’m not interested in politics. The problems of the world are not in my department. I’m a saloon keeper.”

“I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.”

“If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”

Apocalypse Now

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

Why not add the rest of this quote?

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Smells like…victory."

White Heat

Made it, Ma! Top of the world!

I love this movie. My favorite line is when Cagney threatens one of his cronies with:

"If that battery is dead, it’ll have company."

The Silence of the Lambs

A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

This one gets a lot of attention but not so much for the actual words, but more so for the noise Anthony Hopkins makes after delivering the line. This quote is better as far as a representation of the movie:

“I’m having an old friend for dinner.”

Midnight Cowboy

I'm walking here! I'm walking here!

That’s a memorable line for sure. I was aware of it and used it before I had ever seen the movie. Again, this one is more representational of the movie:

“I ain’t a for real cowboy, but I am one helluva stud!”

A Few Good Men

You can't handle the truth!

I’ve seen A Few Good Men countless times. It is a guilty pleasure for me. As a matter of fact, it’s such a guilty pleasure that I’m going to include a quote from Tom Cruise in my batch of A Few Good Men quotes:

“You got authorization from Aunt Jenny?”

“I eat breakfast three hundred yards from four thousand Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don’t think for one second, you can come down here, flash your badge, and make me nervous.”

“Don’t I feel like a fucking asshole?”

When Harry Met Sally

I’ll have what she’s having.

Once a quote becomes larger than the movie, my interest in that quote is diminished…with a few exceptions. This isn’t one of those exceptions though. Here are two of my favorite When Harry Met Sally quotes:

“There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance. You’re the worst kind: you’re high maintenance, but you think you’re low maintenance.”

“No, you did not have great sex with Sheldon. A Sheldon can do your income tax. If you need a root canal, Sheldon’s your man.”

Field of Dreams

If you build it, he will come.

This is one of my favorite movies of all time and “If you build it…” is certainly one of those movie quotes that people use even if they haven’t seen the movie. Just for the hell of it, here’s the famous James Earl Jones speech from the movie:

“The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers, been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again, but baseball has marked the time. This field, this game is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good and could be again.”

A League of Their Own

There's no crying in baseball!

Fine, but how about this one…

“Lord, hallowed be thy name. May our feet be swift, may our bats be mighty, and may our balls be plentiful.”

Annie Hall

La-dee-da, la-dee-da.

This is my favorite movie ever. Sit back because this might take a while…

“I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. That’s the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.”

“We need the eggs."

“I don’t want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.”

“Don’t you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we’re left-wing communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.”

“Everything our parents said was good, was bad: sun, red meat, milk, college.”

“I can’t get with any religion that advertises in the back of Popular Mechanics.”

“I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”

“I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.”

“My Grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy being raped by the Cossacks.”

“That was the most fun I’ve ever had without laughing.”

“Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with somebody I love.”

“Why don’t you get William F. Buckley to kill the spider?”

“A relationship, I think is--is like a shark. You know, it has to constantly move forward or it dies, and I think what we got on our hands here is a dead shark.”

“I forgot my mantra.”

Dr. Strangelove

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

Another one of my favorite movies and here’s a couple additions:

“Mr. President, I’m not saying we wouldn’t get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops... uh, depending on the breaks.”

“Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!”

Chinatown

Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown.

This is three of my top 10 movies in a row, so you know I’m going to have some more suggestions on this one:

“You’ve got a nasty reputation, Mr. Gittes. I like that.”

“Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough.”

“See, Mr. Gittes, most people never have to face the fact that at the right time and the right place they are capable of anything.”

“I don’t get tough with anyone, Mr. Gittes. My lawyer does.”

“She’s my daughter! She’s my sister! My daughter! My sister!”

Airplane!

Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious…and don't call me Shirley.

Here comes the deluge:

“Oh, stewardess. I speak jive.”

“Chump don’t want no help, chump don’t get no help. Jive ass-dude don’t got no brains anyhow.”

“Alright, get me Ham on five, hold the Mayo.”

“Ever been in a cockpit before?”

“You ever seen a grown man naked?”

“Joey, do you ever hang around a gymnasium?”

“Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”

“Joey, have you ever been inside a Turkish prison?”

“There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who know how to fly a plane?

"First time?"
“No. I’ve been nervous lots of times.”

“Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon, Many Motta.”

“Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?”
“Well, I’m two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with.”

“I can sum it all up in just one word: courage, dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, guts. Why, Ted Striker’s got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon!”

“I am serious. And stop calling me Shirley.”

“I haven’t seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert.”

“Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle. It’s just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.”

“I can make a hat, or a broach, or a pterodactyl.”

“Oh, it’s a big pretty, white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows, and wheels. It looks like a big Tylenol.”

“No thank you. I take it black... like my men.”

Okay, I’ll stop this post here. I could list a ton from both Animal House and Caddyshack, but that would take forever. The next post will be movie quotes from movies that didn’t make the AFI’s list.

Meeting Characters Is Easy

2005-07-03T23:31:00.000-04:00